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Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.2

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country with this statement v. 2
Unlike before, education plays a crucial role in our country, owing to that it is very wiered one for the developments such as technologies, business, sports, medias etc. However, education is an asset, which is very effective for the academic curricular activities to practical factors. Hence, education is the optimal factor to make a good nation. To begin with, I completely agree with the suggestion. Firstly, education is very helpful for the children to arouse their skills and attitudes are maintaining and it to be a better scenario. Every children are growing up and progressing more to get a teen age subsequently, the adult period. Secondly, decision making capacity and problem solving elements are achieving more life ideology due to the education. Finally, this acts as a vital role for future studies and job prosperities, furthermore companies, institution and schools are hiring staffs based on their education level. Sometimes, education and experiences makes a man perfect. For instance, one of my neighbour she stopped her education career in her tenth standard and been a jobless person and dependent with her husband. Nowadays she is worrying a lot about her life. Ostensibly, the growth and development of every individual is depending upon their educational status. For a while, if a person gets some skills from his school or any educational institution he may become famous in such a field. Thereafter, he will be an eminent through the invention of a technological method, moreover, the country has appreciated him at an efficient criteria due to his expansions the nation become famous and honourable. However, all other nationalities are pride on him this is one of the footsteps for us to achieve the good country. In conclusion, education is an asset, which is alarmingly raising to the world day-by-day. As a conscience, we should respect and to give good chances to the younger children to achieve their notion in a reliable manner. .
Unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a crucial role in our country, owing to that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
wiered
one for the developments such as technologies, business, sports, medias etc.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an asset, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective for the academic curricular activities to practical factors.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the optimal factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the suggestion.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for the children to arouse their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and attitudes are maintaining and it to be a better scenario.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
are growing up and progressing more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This word is normally spelled as one.
teen age
subsequently
, the adult period.
Secondly
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
capacity and problem solving elements are achieving more life ideology due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Finally
, this acts as a vital role for future studies and job
Possible spelling mistake found.
prosperities
,
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, institution and schools are hiring staffs based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect.
For instance
, one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
career in her tenth standard and been a jobless person and dependent with her husband. Nowadays she is worrying a lot about her life.

Ostensibly
, the growth and development of every individual
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
upon their educational status. For a while, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from his school or any educational institution he may become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in such a field. Thereafter, he will be an eminent through the invention of a technological method,
moreover
, the country has appreciated him at an efficient criteria due to his expansions the nation become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
honourable
.
However
, all other nationalities are pride on him this is one of the footsteps for us to achieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an asset, which is
alarmingly
raising to the world day-by-day. As a conscience, we should respect and to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chances to the younger children to achieve their notion
Consider replacing "in a reliable manner" with the adverb for "reliable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a reliable manner
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country with this statement v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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