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Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. v. 1
It is widely believed that we can educate ourselves by using television, however, other argue that it can be used only for fun. I, personally, think that television is quite useful for fun but not more than education. There are many reasons why people say that television is a useful device for relaxation. There are many comedy programs that run on the television at night and help people to get relaxed after a hectic day at office. These television programs also play a role to make the twisted family life happy, because by watching some program people feel happy and try to resolve their problems. For instance, program called Comedy with Alex come at night where the host invite some celebrity and a family who are not happy with each other and ask about their problems and then try to solve their problems with fun. On the other hand television is a handy device to increase our knowledge. Such as, we can increase our knowledge about animals just by seeing their wild lives on the television channels. Moreover, a television helps us to improve our knowledge about science and technology as well. For example, yesterday I watched a documentary about electric cars that are being made in Tesla that how it is going to work with oil, and it helped me a lot to understand the future of cars in our world. In conclusion, despite many people argue that a television plays important role making people life better with its’ comedy programs, however I agree with that kind of people who think television plays an important role in educating us about the world issues.
It is
widely
believed that we can educate ourselves by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
however
, other argue that it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for fun. I,
personally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is quite useful for fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not more than education.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a useful device for relaxation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
comedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that run on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at night and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed after a hectic day at office. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
also
play a role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the twisted family life happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel happy and try to resolve their problems.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
called Comedy with Alex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at night where the host
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "invites".
invite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrity and a family who are not happy with each other and ask about their problems and then try to solve their problems with fun.

On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a handy device to increase our knowledge. Such as, we can increase our knowledge about animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by seeing their wild
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
channels.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our knowledge about science and technology
as well
.
For example
, yesterday I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a documentary about electric cars that are
being made
in Tesla that how it is going to work with oil, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me a lot to understand the future of cars in our world.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life better with
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its’
comedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
however
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in educating us about the world issues.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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