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Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization v.1

Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization v. 1
History has divided the civilization into three major types as stone-age period, the medieval period, in the current one, the modern period. It is during the existing phase many of the ancient cities are being re-build to include new facilities of comfort and needs. This essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of the modernization of old cities. Human wants have evolved and changed as time had progress because of changes in the necessities. The new demands are enforcing the transformation of the old cities and it also has an abundance of benefits for doing so. The first advantage of reconstruction of the cities is helping in the incorporation of new means of transport for the usage of buses, cars and other vehicles. The newly built wider roads support faster commutation and also support the ever-increasing population. The second advantage of building new homes and apartments is that they are well-equipped to deal with harsh climatic changes, fire accidents, and natural calamities. To illustrate further according to an audit report by Fire and Safety Department, The United States of America, apartments that have been designed to include fire prevention methods had witnessed very less property damage and almost nil human casualties. This is a remarkable advantage of new construction techniques that will not present in earlier times. Apart from this, the facility of the lifts and escalators is very helpful to the elderly and disabled people. The contrary sides of destroying age-old buildings have many detrimental effects. One of the prime reasons for the quality of air to degrade is due to the pollution created at the construction sites which is leading to breathing problems for people residing nearby. Furthermore, the artistic design and architecture associated with the rich culture may be lost and will not be available to view for the future generations who may never know the importance of cultural heritage and monuments. Lastly, a large section of societies that comprises senior citizens would be deprived of not living in the home which was built by their forefathers and may also find difficult to adjust in new vicinity and homes. In conclusion, modern construction offers benefits of fire prevention and safety from other disasters which are helping humans to survive for longer periods. However, during the rebuilding process, the cultural losses are evident and may be irreplaceable.
History has divided the civilization into three major types as stone-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the medieval
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
one, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. It is during the existing phase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the ancient cities are being re-build to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
facilities of comfort and needs. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the modernization of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cities.

Human
Probably a preposition is missing after 'wants'.
wants have
evolved and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as time had progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the necessities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
demands are enforcing the transformation of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cities and it
also
has an abundance of benefits for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The
first
advantage of reconstruction of the cities is helping in the incorporation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
means of transport for the usage of buses, cars and other vehicles.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
newly
built wider roads support faster commutation and
also
support the ever-increasing population.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second advantage of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes and apartments is that they are well-equipped to deal with harsh climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
accidents, and natural calamities. To illustrate
further
according to an audit report by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fire
and Safety Department, The United States of America, apartments that have
been designed
to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
prevention methods had witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less property damage and almost nil human casualties. This is a remarkable advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
construction techniques that will not present in earlier times. Apart from this, the facility of the lifts and escalators is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to the elderly and disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The contrary sides of destroying age-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
buildings have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects. One of the prime reasons for the quality of air to degrade is due to the pollution created at the construction sites which is leading to breathing problems for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
residing nearby.
Furthermore
, the artistic design and architecture associated with the rich culture may
be lost
and will not be available to view for the future generations who may never know the importance of cultural heritage and monuments.
Lastly
, a large section of societies that comprises senior citizens would
be deprived
of not living in the home which
was built
by their forefathers and may
also
find difficult to adjust in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
vicinity and homes.

In conclusion
, modern construction offers benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
prevention and safety from other disasters which are helping humans to survive for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
.
However
, during the rebuilding process, the cultural losses are evident and may be irreplaceable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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