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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 1
Some would argue that artists should not be supported by the state because supporting them is just a waste of financial resources and the government should invest it into more useful things. While some say that artists do everything for themselves not for the country, I believe that they are the brand ambassador of the country. On the one hand, artists perform to earn the fame and money for themselves, they do not care about the country. Thus, the government should spend that money into the things that can bring more benefits in the future rather spending it on artists. Such as, reforms in education system may bring revolutionary change in the future of the country. For example, a recent research revealed that 80% of the developing countries can secure their future just by investing more money in their education sector. However, I do not agree with this view because it is not the proper way to secure the countries future. On the other hand, artists are the brand ambassador of the country. They represent the soft image of the country to the world. And people know their country just by knowing them. For instance, Atif Aslam is a leading singer in Pakistan and people know him all over the world and because of knowing him, they got to know that there is a country exist named Pakistan. I believe that the state should encourage artists, because they have the power that can attract people from all over the globe towards the country. In conclusion, although many say that artist ought not be encouraged by the state, I would say because they represent the country’s positive image to the world, thus, they must be appreciated by the government.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should not
be supported
by the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
supporting them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of financial resources and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest it into more useful things. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do everything for themselves not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, I believe that they are the brand ambassador of the country.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
perform to earn the fame and money for themselves, they do not care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend that money into the things that can bring more benefits in the future
rather
spending it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. Such as, reforms in education system may bring revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, a recent research revealed that 80% of the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can secure their future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by investing more money in their education sector.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not the proper way to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
future.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the brand ambassador of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They represent the soft image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the world. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by knowing them.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Atif
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aslam
is a leading singer in Pakistan and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know him all over the world and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of knowing him, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
exist named Pakistan.

I believe that the state should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the power that can attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the globe towards the country.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
ought not
be encouraged
by the state, I would say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they represent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image to the world,
thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be appreciated
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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