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Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful for entertainment. v. 1
Some would argue that television is beneficial for gaining knowledge, while others say that it is helpful for enjoyment. While some channels provide valuable information, I believe television is more advantageous for leisure. On the one hand, there are some educational channels which are very useful for children, such as National Geographic and Discovery. These channels provide current information about science, history and wildlife. If children watch such channels, they will have more understanding about the happenings on our planet. For example, in 2011, Canada started a special educational program that focused on Maths which proved to be very helpful for children especially, during their exams. However, I believe that due to the advent of modern technology, children are using the Internet more than television for educational purposes. On the other hand, television is deemed to be a source of fun and amusement. That is to say, people use television sets only to watch entertaining programs and daily soaps. This is because after a stressful day at work, many people like to listen to music or watch comedy shows just to have a laugh and relax. A survey done last year in India showed that more than 50% of the population used it only to relieve stress by watching movies. I believe that leisure and enjoyment are the main purposes behind watching television. In conclusion, although television provides educational information which can be beneficial for children, the majority of people watch it for fun and entertainment purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is beneficial for gaining knowledge, while others say that it is helpful for enjoyment. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
provide valuable information, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is more advantageous for leisure.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as National Geographic and Discovery. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
information about science, history and wildlife. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
, they will have more understanding about the happenings on our planet.
For example
, in 2011, Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
program that focused on
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
which proved to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
especially
, during their exams.
However
, I believe that due to the advent of modern technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are using the Internet more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
purposes.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is deemed
to be a source of fun and amusement.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
sets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
entertaining programs and daily soaps. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after a stressful day at work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to listen to music or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have a laugh and relax. A survey done last year in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 50% of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by watching movies. I believe that leisure and enjoyment are the main purposes behind watching television.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
information which can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it for fun and entertainment purposes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful for entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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