Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 10
Both quality and appearance are some of the most fundamental things that are needed to work in a company. Some say that the way the employees dress is necessary. While others think performance at work is more important than any other qualifications. In this case, I agree with both points. Either appearance or quality is both significant and no one can stand without another. To illustrate this, I will explain and give some examples in the next paragraph. First of all, I agree that we can not judge someone based on their looks. However, it is different at work, everyone should dress up nicely. Employees do not need to wear expensive clothes to look smart. When workers meet clients or attend a formal event, the first thing that a company looks at is their images. For instance, if you wear a tank top and shorts at a formal meeting, your co-workers will assume that you are not serious. On the contrary, performance is also compulsory. You could never survive at an organization if you do not meet their requirements. Every corporation needs someone eligible and has a lot of experience in their jobs. For example, there is a worker that is bad at doing his job. The company thinks that it is useless to employ and will probably fire him. In conclusion, either looks or performance is important. Without dress up smartly, it would make you perceived inferior by the others. By working with high achievement, the company will be satisfied and could raise your salary. But in the end, it depends on every person as long as they feel enjoy to do their work.
Both quality and appearance are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most fundamental things that
are needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that the way the employees dress is necessary.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any other qualifications.
In this case
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both points. Either appearance or quality is both significant and no one can stand without another. To illustrate this, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples in the
next
paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we can not judge someone based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, everyone should dress up
nicely
. Employees do not need to wear expensive clothes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
smart. When workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
clients or attend a formal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, the
first
thing that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
at is their images.
For instance
, if you wear a tank top and shorts at a formal meeting, your co-workers will assume that you are not serious.

On the contrary
, performance is
also
compulsory. You could never survive at an organization if you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements. Every corporation needs someone eligible and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience in their jobs.
For example
, there is a worker
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
at doing his job. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is useless to employ and will
probably
fire him.

In conclusion
, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
or performance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Without dress up
smartly
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you perceived inferior by the others. By working with high achievement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will
be satisfied
and could raise your salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it depends on every person as long as they feel
The verb 'enjoy' is used with the gerund form: "enjoy doing".
enjoy to do
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts