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Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work Discuss both v v.2

Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work 2
While some people are of the opinion that the teenagers should work part-time to support themselves, there are others who believe that this approach will make teenagers compromise rest time and after school activities. I will provide my opinion after discussing both of the views. The supporters of part-time working choice for the teenagers think that they will learn basic life skills while working. For example self-dependency and self-confidence can be achieved through working with the other people. Youngsters are more mentally active to learn the basic life skills at this age. Besides studies, there is also need of extra-curricular activities and doing some job is one of them. It not only provides money but also improves adolescent behaviour even more. An example can be taken from the U. S. A where children start hunting for jobs at the early age of 14 because their parents advise them to be self-dependent. On the other side, some people oppose this idea by giving opinions that youngsters lose their rest time and have to abandon the after school activities. They support this by saying that part-time work makes teenagers stressed and tired for any extra activities to perform. Some parents also think part-time work as a hindrance to studies. For instance, the trend of doing jobs among youngsters is very limited in countries like India, where parents are over protective and provides money for any basic needs of their children. As far as I am concerned I am partially agreed with both the views. While working part time provides the youngsters with confidence and self-esteem, it also steals the rest time and the opportunities to do any other activities. Teenagers should adjust their timetable accordingly that It does not affect their leisure time and there should be a balance between it and the work. Students should opt for only weekend jobs so they can have spare time for spending with family and doing after school activities. In Conclusion, it can be said that both of the views are reasonable and the best approach is, to find a balance between the working life, family life, and study time of the youngsters. Only then students can become perfect human beings.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time to support themselves, there are others who believe that this approach will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
compromise rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and after school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I will
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provide
my opinion after discussing both of the views.

The supporters of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
choice for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will learn basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
For example
self-dependency and self-confidence can
be achieved
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Youngsters are more mentally active to learn the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at this age.
Besides
studies, there is
also
need of extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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job
is one of them. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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provides
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
adolescent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
even more. An example can
be taken
from the U. S. A where children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
hunting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at the early age of 14
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents advise them to be self-dependent.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by giving opinions that youngsters lose their rest
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time
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
abandon the after school
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activities
. They support this by saying that part-time
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work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and tired for any extra
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activities
to perform.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a hindrance to studies.
For instance
, the trend of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
among youngsters is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited in countries like India, where parents are over protective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
money for any basic needs of their children.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as I
am concerned
I am
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with both the views. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
the youngsters with confidence and self-esteem, it
also
steals the rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the opportunities to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
should adjust their timetable
accordingly
that It does not affect their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and there should be a balance between it and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Students should opt for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
weekend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for spending with family and doing after school activities.

In Conclusion
, it can
be said
that both of the views are reasonable and the best approach is, to find a balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the youngsters.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then students can become perfect human beings.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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