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Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work Discuss both v v.1

Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work 1
For years, the basic income source for many countries have been gas extraction, and for others, exporting their agricultural products or handmade stuffs has been the main way to have an income. But in the recent years, politicians provide a new method of gaining money by expanding their tourism places and the facilities that can be provided for them to enjoy either the historical or entertaining places like funfairs, or giant shopping centre. However, there is also a doubt that is it going to help improve a civilization or not? By doing some precautions, absolutely that it is clear that it would be a simple beneficial action for whole a country. Truly, for all the countries, no matter they are selling the gas resources or their mineral resources, those materials are made by passing so many years. Even though, we do not call them perishable, it is hard to be made again. Even, agricultural products have been making the soil weaker than before from minerals such as Iron, copper, and so on. So, by applying and using tourism attractions, and also try to give them pleasure during their stay like having different sorts of accommodation based on their economic abilities, a country could achieve to an unlimited source of money that not only do not harm the Earth, but also make a lot of job opportunities. For instance, so many people who are occupied with relevant jobs for this situation are all employees of a hotel or entertaining place. Also, every rose has its thorns. Therefore, it is noticeable that for countries with old traditions, it may have effects on the people’s attitude. To make it clear, in some eastern Asian countries, people have been obeying some conservative rules such as clothing, but when travellers had gone there, they changed eventually. Moreover, in some religious countries, some of the foreigner’s activities are against their religion. For example, we can mention drinking alcohol or not using scarves. However, these troubles can be solved by some cultural programs on televisions or at the educationally places. To conclude, in this economic crisis that the governments are struggling with it, the tourism industry can be a solution and of course the benefits come into society, too. Also, for the drawbacks of it, it is considerable that in societies which they hold on some cultural activities to improve and sustain people’s culture, the damages of this industry is negligible.
For years, the basic income source for
many
countries
have been gas extraction, and for others, exporting their agricultural products or handmade stuffs has been the main way to have an income.
But
in the recent years, politicians provide a new method of gaining money by expanding their tourism places and the facilities that can
be provided
for them to enjoy either the historical or entertaining places like funfairs, or giant shopping
centre
.
However
, there is
also
a doubt
that is
it going to
help
improve
a civilization or not? By doing
some
precautions,
absolutely
that it is
clear
that it would be a simple beneficial action for whole a country.

Truly
, for all the
countries
, no matter they are selling the gas resources or their mineral resources, those materials
are made
by passing
so
many
years.
Even though
, we do not call them perishable, it is
hard
to
be made
again. Even, agricultural products have been making the soil weaker than
before
from minerals such as Iron, copper, and
so
on.
So
, by applying and using tourism attractions, and
also
try to give them pleasure during their stay like having
different
sorts of accommodation based on their economic abilities, a
country
could achieve to an unlimited source of money that not
only
do not harm the Earth,
but
also
make
a lot of
job opportunities.
For instance
,
so
many
people
who
are occupied
with relevant jobs for this situation are all employees of a hotel or entertaining place.

Also
, every rose has its thorns.
Therefore
, it is noticeable that for
countries
with
old
traditions, it may have effects on the
people’s
attitude. To
make
it
clear
, in
some
eastern Asian
countries
,
people
have been obeying
some
conservative
rules
such as clothing,
but
when
travellers
had gone there, they
changed
eventually
.
Moreover
, in
some
religious
countries
,
some
of the foreigner’s activities are against their religion.
For example
, we can mention drinking alcohol or not using scarves.
However
, these troubles can
be solved
by
some
cultural programs on televisions or at the
educationally
places.

To conclude
, in this economic crisis that the
governments
are struggling with it, the tourism industry can be a solution and
of course
the benefits
come
into society, too.
Also
, for the drawbacks of it, it is considerable that in societies which they hold on
some
cultural activities to
improve
and sustain
people’s
culture, the damages of this industry is negligible.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part time and earn money This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined Others argue that teenagers shouldn t sacrifice their rest and after school activities to work 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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