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Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 2
Nowadays, the question, whether extreme sports, like skydiving or skiing, should be allowed or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in some ways, extreme sports should be welcomed and encouraged. On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous sports should be banned. First since the inherently dangerous nature of these kinds of sports can threaten lives, it should not be allowed to people. In fact, participants are prone to suffering from unpredictably serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious form of sports, it costs people a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are prohibitively expensive, this makes it not affordable to all people. Besides, the benefits of those extreme sports are absolutely undeniable. First, in order to equip people with survival skills, the original purpose of those sports is to ensure that people are ready for facing dangerous situations. For example, pilots are compulsory to acquire how to parachute or people who are living in heavy-snow countries are required to know skiing for the better moving, which makes their lives much more comfortable and safer. Second, by preparing themselves for the proliferation of protective equipment, extreme sports players could ensure little risks and save their own lives. In fact, while the partakers are wearing helmets or having safety brakes, they could certainly believe that their life is being protected by those modern devices.
Nowadays, the question, whether
extreme
sports
, like skydiving or skiing, should be
allowed
or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in
some
ways,
extreme
sports
should
be welcomed
and encouraged.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous
sports
should
be banned
.
First
since the
inherently
dangerous
nature of these kinds of
sports
can threaten
lives
, it should not be
allowed
to
people
. In fact, participants are prone to suffering from
unpredictably
serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious form of
sports
, it costs
people
a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are
prohibitively
expensive, this
makes
it not affordable to all
people
.

Besides
, the benefits of those
extreme
sports
are
absolutely
undeniable.
First
, in order to equip
people
with survival
skills
, the original purpose of those
sports
is to ensure that
people
are ready for facing
dangerous
situations.
For example
, pilots are compulsory to acquire how to parachute or
people
who are living in heavy-snow countries
are required
to know skiing for the better moving, which
makes
their
lives
much more comfortable and safer. Second, by preparing themselves for the proliferation of protective equipment,
extreme
sports
players could ensure
little
risks
and save their
own
lives
. In fact, while the partakers are wearing helmets or having safety brakes, they could
certainly
believe that their life is
being protected
by those modern devices.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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