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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.11

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 11
Shopping was an everyday job in earlier times, but in recent times it is considered as a hobby by a lot of people. In my opinion, excessive shopping can lead to buying trivial things, thereby leading to bad debts and financial breakdown especially in case of teenagers. However, it is also a good thing that people are more intrigued into the shopping which makes them aware about products and offers. Firstly, shopping in earlier times included buying rudimentary things needed for everyday household activities such as cooking etc. But in recent times, shopping is considered as buying materialistic and expensive things such as clothes, mobile phones etc. Nowadays people, especially teenagers prefer to spend their leisure time in malls with their friends during weekends and thus, are distracted with the charisma of materialistic products which leads to bad decisions about buying irrelevant things. Secondly, excessive shopping can exacerbate financial conditions of an individual as well. Nowadays, with increased use of digital currency and credit cards, people tend to make unnecessary decisions about buying the stuffs, which they will never use and get trapped in financial difficulties. Contrastingly, shopping as a hobby has also helped consumers to grab better offers and learn insights about how they can get better deals. According to the facts, the number of people getting cheated and paying extra for the products has declined over this decade as compared to previous decades. This has also led to extra savings, which can be used for other purposes. To conclude, shopping can have a positive impact if one does it after making rationale decisions depending on the necessity of the things otherwise, excessive shopping can lead into deep financial troubles which often impacts other areas of life as well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
was an everyday job in earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
it
is considered
as a hobby by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
trivial things, thereby leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
debts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
breakdown
especially
in case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
However
, it is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more intrigued into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them aware about products and offers.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
included
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
rudimentary things needed for everyday household activities such as cooking etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
materialistic and expensive things such as clothes, mobile phones etc. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in malls with their friends during weekends and
thus
,
are distracted
with the charisma of materialistic products which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
irrelevant things.

Secondly
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can exacerbate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
conditions of an individual
as well
. Nowadays, with increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of digital currency and credit cards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unnecessary decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the stuffs, which they will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
difficulties.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a hobby has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
consumers to grab better offers and learn insights about how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better deals. According to the facts, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting cheated and paying extra for the products has declined over this decade as compared to previous decades. This has
also
led to extra savings, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other purposes.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact if one does it after making rationale decisions depending on the necessity of the things
otherwise
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can lead into deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
troubles which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
impacts other areas of life
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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