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Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 1
The more society develops, the more opportunities people have. It can be clearly seen that these days people are apt to have more choices than in the past. By observing the increase of elective subjects and jobs, we cannot argue this fact; nonetheless, it is also a downside causing the difficulty in making good and right decisions. This writer maintains a congruent idea with the claim that the types of jobs are growing for the simple reasoning that the development prompts the growth of human needs and demands. Moreover, there is a plethora of ways that people can make money, which is like a melting pot for the variety of earning the livelihood. An excellent example would be Mimosa, a currently well-known streamer, becomes a millionaire via streaming video games without a Bachelor's Degree. The diversity of majors in University corroborates the argument espoused in the foregoing for the simple that the same was prompted by the rise of the job. To illustrate this case, there were only 10 subjects in my University; however, students currently major in at least 30 ones. What is more, seniors at the moment can choose to study overseas to pursue their Master's Degree. Another school of thought, but stipulates that people are likely to be torn between options; however, this is wanting in logic and in the dearth of reason. The plethora of choices leads individuals to be on the fence due to the fact that some of them are unfamiliar and groundbreaking. Admittedly, the capacities for being successful in the profession of choice are acutely necessary; nonetheless, these abilities can be accessible. All above points considered, it can be therefore safe to claim that the number of choices cannot stop rising; hence, as far as I concerned, the same has also both pros and cons. However, having the rich list of options helps people to have more chances to opt the best one for themselves.
The more society develops, the more opportunities
people
have. It can be
clearly
seen
that these days
people
are apt to have more
choices
than in the past. By observing the increase of elective subjects and jobs, we cannot argue this fact; nonetheless, it is
also
a downside causing the difficulty in making
good
and right decisions.

This writer maintains a congruent
idea
with the claim that the types of jobs are growing for the simple reasoning that the development prompts the growth of human needs and demands.
Moreover
, there is a plethora of ways that
people
can
make
money, which is like a melting pot for the variety of earning the livelihood. An excellent example would be Mimosa, a
currently
well-known streamer, becomes a millionaire via streaming video games without a Bachelor's Degree.

The diversity of majors in University corroborates the argument espoused in the foregoing for the simple that the same
was prompted
by the rise of the job. To illustrate this case, there were
only
10 subjects in my University;
however
, students
currently
major in at least 30 ones.
What is more
, seniors at the moment can choose to study overseas to pursue their Master's Degree.

Another school of
thought
,
but
stipulates that
people
are likely to
be torn
between options;
however
, this
is wanting
in logic and in the dearth of reason. The plethora of
choices
leads individuals to be on the fence due to the fact that
some
of them are unfamiliar and groundbreaking.
Admittedly
, the capacities for being successful in the profession of
choice
are
acutely
necessary; nonetheless, these abilities can be accessible.

All above points considered, it can be
therefore
safe to claim that the number of
choices
cannot
stop
rising;
hence
, as far as I concerned, the same has
also
both pros and cons.
However
, having the rich list of options
helps
people
to have more chances to opt the best one for themselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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