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Some people say that technology has improved our lifestyle and has given the opportunity to enjoy more leisure time. Others, however, say that we have less leisure time than the time when technology had little influences on us. v.1

Some people say that technology has improved our lifestyle and has given the opportunity to enjoy more leisure time. Others, however, say that we have less leisure time than the time when technology had little influences on us. v. 1
With the advent of the 21st century, technology has leapt to a level that was unimaginable only even 50 years ago. The question is whether latest technology has provided us more free time than previous generations or not. In my view, people's leisure time has been narrowing as a result of the tremendous advance in modern technology. In today's modernised era, technological gadgets make our lives faster, easier and more convenient. For example, dishwasher, a labour-saving device in the home fetches people more recreational time. In addition, almost all modern kitchens have several electrical appliances that save our time. However, people's leisure lives are continuously eroded because of the ubiquity of modern technological tools, such as computers with internet access and telecommunications equipment. These inventions expose the minds to spend more of their daily time. It is noteworthy that people now take fewer and shorter vacations following the increase in the number of technology-based activities. For instance, cell phones and laptops make people accessible to their superiors wherever they go. What is more, people seem to be more ambitious these days, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time. So, it can be said that the time budget is burdened because more time should be invested in activities that previously ignored. In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now get more free time in the development of technology, my own view is that the amount of leisure time has decreased to a great extent over the last decade.
With the advent of the 21st century, technology has leapt to a level that was unimaginable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
even 50 years ago. The question is whether latest technology has provided us more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than previous generations or not. In my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has been narrowing
as a result
of the tremendous advance in modern technology.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
era, technological gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
faster, easier and more convenient.
For example
, dishwasher, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-saving
device in the home fetches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
, almost all modern kitchens have several electrical appliances that save our time.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's leisure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
continuously
eroded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ubiquity of modern technological tools, such as computers with internet access and telecommunications equipment. These inventions expose the minds to spend more of their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is noteworthy that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
take fewer and shorter vacations following the increase in the number of technology-based activities.
For instance
, cell phones and laptops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accessible to their superiors wherever they go.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to be more ambitious these days, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents
usually
need to work full-time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can
be said
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
budget
is burdened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be invested
in activities that previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the development of technology, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that the amount of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has decreased to a great extent over the last decade.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that technology has improved our lifestyle and has given the opportunity to enjoy more leisure time. Others, however, say that we have less leisure time than the time when technology had little influences on us. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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