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It is a fact that people are under more pressure nowadays and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v.2

It is a fact that people are under more pressure nowadays and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v. 2
The modern world struggles for existence is the key to one's success. Apparently, this has made the life of every individual a highly stressful one. There are many aspects attributing to this struggle like health reasons, financial insecurity, work pressure etc. Serious measures need to be taken to overcome this stress. Today those areas will be discussed in details. Firstly, a healthy life is the precursor to happiness. So, the major contributor towards the stress in a normal person's life is their unhealthy condition. For instance, an employee who due to health reasons takes a week off from work, get a lot of work pressure when rejoins the organisation, hence, leading toward an enormous stress. Moreover, studies all around the world have proved that individuals in poor financial condition lead a more stressful life when compared to the wealthy one. For example, a daily worker who just manages to earn enough for his/her daily meals always has a tension of missing one day's wage. Thus, after analysing the above points we are in a position to state that poor health and wealth condition catalyses to the stress of a person. Now once we have discovered the reasons leading to stress, it's time to discuss the preventive majors for it. The entity playing the key role in stress control is the government. If the government is well managed and they have proper plans in place to overcome the health and wealth uncertainty of every individual, then the stress does automatically reduce. For example, if a poor worker doesn't have to worry about his one day's wage loss then they can lead their life more peacefully. Hence, we can say that primarily the government needs to implement policies which will be attributing towards stress prevention. After analysing the reasons for the stress and ways to overcome it, we can safely conclude that the health and wealth are the most important reasons attributing towards stress and the same can be solved by the few changes in the government policies. It is also believed that in future government will make a note and work towards this very critical issue.
The modern world struggles for existence is the key to one's success.
Apparently
, this has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of every individual a
highly
stressful one. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects attributing to this struggle like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, financial insecurity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure etc. Serious measures need to
be taken
to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
those areas will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the precursor to happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the major contributor towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in a normal person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is their unhealthy condition.
For instance
, an employee
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a due".
who due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
takes a week off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure when rejoins the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
hence
, leading toward an enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
Moreover
, studies all around the world have proved that individuals in poor financial condition lead a more stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when compared to the wealthy one.
For example
, a daily worker who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
manages to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for his/her daily meals always has a tension of missing one day's wage.
Thus
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the above points we are in a position to state that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and wealth condition catalyses to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
of a person.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
once we have discovered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, it's time to discuss the preventive majors for it. The entity playing the key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
control is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is well
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
managed and
they have proper plans in place to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and wealth uncertainty of every individual, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
does
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
For example
, if a poor worker doesn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about his one day's wage loss then they can lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
peacefully
.
Hence
, we can say that
primarily
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to implement policies which will be attributing towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
prevention.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and ways to overcome it, we can
safely
conclude that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and wealth are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
attributing towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and the same can
be solved
by the few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies. It is
also
believed that in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a note and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
towards this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay It is a fact that people are under more pressure nowadays and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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