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Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 1
It is true that some people prefer to use cell phones, especially using some Apps, to set their social networks. While some citizens believe that these technologies will disrupt the normal social interaction, others hold an opposite view. In my opinion, I support that technologies have negative effects on social interaction. On one hand, it is undoubted that these technologies are harmful to citizens, especially for teenagers who do not have a good ability of self-control. In details, the majority of young people have at least one social media account, like Facebook, Twitter, or iMessage. These social media sites or apps reduce massive vital opportunities for people to have face-to-face communications. Teenagers think that they keep and maintain their relationships well from these, but they lose the key social skills and the ability to communicate. On the other hand, many of them will spend lots of time on these things and the eyes starting at the screen all day which is harmful to their eyesight. For example, according to research points out that 90% young citizens will spend at least two hours per day to post their daily life on their social media account or chat with their friends rather than meeting up or doing sports. Although the high technologies have significante downsides, it is multifold advantages cannot be ignored. The most important one is that it provides an on-time communication platform for individuals, these cause people to connect with each more easily and freely with no geographical barriers. Above all, although technologies assist people connect more easily, these also have lots of negatives for citizens, especially for teenagers.
It is true that
some
people
prefer to
use
cell phones,
especially
using
some
Apps, to set their
social
networks. While
some
citizens
believe that these
technologies
will disrupt the normal
social
interaction, others hold an opposite view. In my opinion, I support that
technologies
have
negative
effects on
social
interaction.

On one hand, it
is undoubted
that these
technologies
are harmful to
citizens
,
especially
for
teenagers
who do not have a
good
ability of self-control. In
details
, the majority of young
people
have at least one
social
media account, like Facebook, Twitter, or
iMessage
. These
social
media sites or apps
reduce
massive vital opportunities for
people
to have face-to-face communications.
Teenagers
think
that they
keep
and maintain their relationships well from these,
but
they lose the key
social
skills
and the ability to communicate.
On the other hand
,
many
of them will spend lots of time on these things and the eyes starting at the screen all day which is harmful to their eyesight.
For example
, according to research points out that 90% young
citizens
will spend at least two hours per day to post their daily life on their
social
media account or chat with their friends
rather
than meeting up or doing sports.

Although the high
technologies
have
significante
downsides, it is
multifold
advantages cannot be
ignored
. The most
important
one is that it provides an on-time communication platform for individuals, these cause
people
to connect with each more
easily
and
freely
with no geographical barriers.

Above all
, although
technologies
assist
people
connect more
easily
, these
also
have lots of negatives for
citizens
,
especially
for
teenagers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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