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Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 1
It is true that some people prefer to use cell phones, especially using some Apps, to set their social networks. While some citizens believe that these technologies will disrupt the normal social interaction, others hold an opposite view. In my opinion, I support that technologies have negative effects on social interaction. On one hand, it is undoubted that these technologies are harmful to citizens, especially for teenagers who do not have a good ability of self-control. In details, the majority of young people have at least one social media account, like Facebook, Twitter, or iMessage. These social media sites or apps reduce massive vital opportunities for people to have face-to-face communications. Teenagers think that they keep and maintain their relationships well from these, but they lose the key social skills and the ability to communicate. On the other hand, many of them will spend lots of time on these things and the eyes starting at the screen all day which is harmful to their eyesight. For example, according to research points out that 90% young citizens will spend at least two hours per day to post their daily life on their social media account or chat with their friends rather than meeting up or doing sports. Although the high technologies have significante downsides, it is multifold advantages cannot be ignored. The most important one is that it provides an on-time communication platform for individuals, these cause people to connect with each more easily and freely with no geographical barriers. Above all, although technologies assist people connect more easily, these also have lots of negatives for citizens, especially for teenagers.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cell phones,
especially
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apps, to set their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
will disrupt the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction, others hold an opposite view. In my opinion, I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction.

On one hand, it
is undoubted
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ability of self-control. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the majority of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media account, like Facebook, Twitter, or
Possible spelling mistake found.
iMessage
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites or apps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
massive vital opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have face-to-face communications.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
and maintain their relationships well from these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they lose the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and the ability to communicate.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them will spend lots of time on these things and the eyes starting at the screen all day which is harmful to their eyesight.
For example
, according to research points out that 90% young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
will spend at least two hours per day to post their daily life on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media account or chat with their friends
rather
than meeting up or doing sports.

Although the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
significante
downsides, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
advantages cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that it provides an on-time communication platform for individuals, these cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect with each more
easily
and
freely
with no geographical barriers.

Above all
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connect more
easily
, these
also
have lots of negatives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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