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Some people say that supermarkets and manufactures have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on the products they sell. Others say that it is the responsibility of consumers to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say that supermarkets and manufactures have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on the products they sell. Others say that it is the responsibility of consumers to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. v. 2
Packaging plays an essential role in preventing any good from getting damaged during sell or transporting it from one place to another. But, there has been noticed many problems due to packaging, therefore someone opines(认为) that manufacturers and supermarkets should come forward to minimize excessive packaging while others believe it should be along with customers. Now, I am going to discuss both views and give my opinion. To begin with, It is clear that the supermarkets and manufacturers must shoulder the responsibility for reducing packaging because they lure customers to buy more and more goods by promoting more use of packaging, which in turn creates later several complications. In other words, the quality of goods is the major factor which customers take into consideration, and this consideration of the quality of the product is ensured by supermarkets thereby they can conveniently reduce packaging.  In addition, supermarkets and manufacturers are mostly making branded goods, so they should not have any problem with the issue of decline in sell thus they can reduce packaging to a great extent. Furthermore, supermarkets can give various offers on goods so that the customer should not care about packaging. On the other hand,  customers can also help in reducing packaging because supermarkets mostly focus on huge packaging to fulfill all the requirements of customers. Correspondingly, customers can help in declining packaging owing to many possible reasons. Firstly, if a customer prefers the product with minimal packaging then it would help manufacturers and supermarkets to pay heed on using simple packaging. Secondly, customers must primarily focus on the quality and cost of the product. As a result, supermarkets will emphasize moreover quality with affordable prices and not on the packaging. In conclusion, there should be a collaborative approach for declining packaging by both supermarkets and customers, as it may result in better outcomes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Packaging
plays an essential role in preventing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
from getting damaged during sell or transporting it from one place to another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there has
been noticed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
,
therefore
someone opines(
Possible spelling mistake found.
认为
) that manufacturers and supermarkets should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to minimize excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
while others believe it should be along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am going to discuss both views and give my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the supermarkets and manufacturers 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
shoulder the responsibility for reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
 by promoting more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
, which in turn creates later several complications.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is the major factor which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
take into consideration, and this consideration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the product
is ensured
by supermarkets thereby they can
conveniently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
.  
In addition
, supermarkets and manufacturers are
mostly
making branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not have any problem with the issue of decline in sell
thus
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
to a great extent.
Furthermore
, supermarkets can give various offers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
should not care about packaging.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 customers
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
supermarkets
mostly
focus on huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
to fulfill all the requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Correspondingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible reasons.
Firstly
, if a customer prefers the product with minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
then it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
manufacturers and supermarkets to pay heed on using simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
primarily
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and cost of the product.
As a result
, supermarkets will emphasize
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
with affordable prices and not on the packaging.

In conclusion
, there should be a collaborative approach for declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
by both supermarkets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, as it may result in better outcomes.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that supermarkets and manufactures have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on the products they sell. Others say that it is the responsibility of consumers to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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