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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. v. 1
It is a well-known fact that computers have proliferated and generalized in our daily lives. I have no doubt that using computer everyday has more positive effects on people because facilitating computers allow us to live a more convenient life and enhance the quality of life in business, social and personal aspects. First and foremost, daily usage of computers is essential for businessmen because it allows them to implement their given tasks and accomplish their work in a much simpler way. To be specific, workers can participate in conferences and conventions through video chat even without being at the place in person therefore employees can overcome time restraint limitation of location. Moreover, workers can use software such as Microsoft to easily write documents, give presentations and organize data, or save information even in small retail shops. Working on computers day by day is essential for business people and has significant benefits. To continue with, people utilizing computers regularly leads people to be better at socializing. To elaborate, people can get updated because they can check the news or the trend through the Internet and recognize the status quo, allowing people to have the right notion and know what to talk about with other people. Furthermore, with the development of social network service, people can share their life by simply posting pictures or articles such as on Facebook or Instagram and gossip without having to meet them in person. Therefore, it is obvious that frequent use of computers help people socialize without any limitations. Last but not least, the effects of one using computers routinely in terms of personal aspects are fruitful ad fundamental because it helps us have a more convenient life. For instance, one can use their computers as a memory storage by importing all the important files such as videos, pictures or documents and back it up so that he or she doesn’t have to worry about losing them. In addition, one can also enhance their academic skills by watching online lectures which are more economical than going to institutions or academies, in other words a more efficient and convenient life. Facilitating computers certainly benefit our lives, helping us live a better life. In conclusion, as I mentioned, everyday usage of computers clearly benefits our lives. However, we need to be cautious and aware of how we use the computers regarding the objectives and manage the time we spend on it wisely and reasonably.
It is a well-known fact that
computers have proliferated and generalized in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. I have no doubt that using computer
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
facilitating computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and enhance the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in business, social and personal aspects.

First
and foremost, daily usage of computers is essential for businessmen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to implement their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tasks and accomplish their work in a much simpler way. To be specific, workers can participate in conferences and conventions through video chat even without being at the place in person
therefore
employees can overcome time restraint limitation of location.
Moreover
, workers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
software such as Microsoft to
easily
write documents, give presentations and organize data, or save information even in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
retail shops. Working on
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "computers'" or "computer's"?
computers
day by day is essential for business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and has significant benefits.

To continue with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilizing computers
regularly
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be better at socializing. To elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the news or the trend through the Internet and recognize the status quo, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have the right notion and know what to talk about with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, with the development of social network service,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by
simply
posting pictures or articles such as on Facebook or Instagram and gossip without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them in person.
Therefore
, it is obvious that frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socialize without any limitations.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the effects of one using computers
routinely
in terms of personal aspects are fruitful ad fundamental
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us have a more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their computers as a memory storage by importing all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
files such as videos, pictures or documents and back it up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he or she doesn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about losing them.
In addition
, one can
also
enhance their academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by watching online lectures which are more economical than going to institutions or academies,
in other words
a more efficient and convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Facilitating computers
certainly
benefit our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, helping us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a better life.

In conclusion
, as I mentioned, everyday usage of computers
clearly
benefits our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, we need to be cautious and aware of how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computers regarding the objectives and manage the time we spend on it
wisely
and
reasonably
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
406 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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