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Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment, but they make no effort to protect it themselves. Why do you think it is the case? What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment? v.1

Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment, but they make no effort to protect it themselves. Why do you think it is the case? What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment? v. 1
It seems to be an increasingly widespread concerned that every individuals should take steps to curb the climate change but no one give top priority to improve their environment. In this essay, I will discuss some of the main cause of this problem and offer some possible solution for it. There are several reasons why people do not spare effort to protect environment. Firstly, citizens have a tendency to believe that Government and large firms should responsible for preserving the environment. This is because most of toxics in the atmosphere stem from organizations which discharge pollutants into the environment. Thus, only government has enough condition to enact law to prevent this action. Moreover, due to the industrial development has brought many benefits for people so most of them do not want to change. For example, people prefer to use cars or motorbike, which is run on fossil fuels and release major carbon into atmosphere, to commute than bicycle and public transports. In order to make people give top priority to protect their air quality, government must first address its roots cause. The first solution is that local authorities should offer programs to raise the public’s low-carbon awareness. They should encourage citizens exploit renewable energies such as wind, hydro and solar power or take public transit, carpool or fuel-efficient vehicles in order to enhance air condition. Furthermore, Companies should invest in energy-saving technologies. Indeed, they can produce such products environment-friendly to substitute thrown-away items or plastic bags. Therefore, people’s lifestyle also changes to adapt to environment-friendly. In conclusion, this problem is unlikely to be tackled in the short-term. However, it is by no means insurmountable and I am convinced that more people will attend to government policies to protect our lives.
It seems to be an
increasingly
widespread concerned that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
should take steps to curb the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one give top priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main cause of this problem and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solution for it.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spare effort to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Firstly
, citizens have a tendency to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and large firms should responsible for preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the toxics") or simply say "most toxics".
most of toxics
in the atmosphere stem from organizations which discharge pollutants into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
condition to enact law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this action.
Moreover
, due to the industrial development has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of them do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars or motorbike, which
is run
on fossil fuels and release major carbon into atmosphere, to commute than bicycle and public transports.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give top priority to protect their air quality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
address its roots cause. The
first
solution is that local authorities should offer programs to raise the public’s low-carbon awareness. They should encourage citizens exploit renewable energies such as wind, hydro and solar power or take public transit, carpool or fuel-efficient vehicles in order to enhance air condition.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should invest in energy-saving technologies.
Indeed
, they can produce such products environment-friendly to substitute thrown-away items or plastic bags.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to adapt to environment-friendly.

In conclusion
, this problem is unlikely to
be tackled
in the short-term.
However
, it is by no means
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
insurmountable and
I
am convinced
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will attend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies to protect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment, but they make no effort to protect it themselves. Why do you think it is the case? What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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