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some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. do you agree or disagree. v.2

some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. v. 2
Arts have little or no place in the educational curriculum so far because we have a feeling that time spent on thses things is time wasted. Recent study, however, have shown that a good curriculum that include arts education can have multiple benefits which I shall highlights in this essay. The most important benefits of arts in school is that it contributes to making a well rounded student. Not only that, certain forms of arts instruction enhance and compliment basic skills such as basic reading skill, language development and writting skills. so, children do well in other subject also. Another advantage is that it encourages the pursuit of extra curricular activities. children get a chance to show their creative expression. When such hidden activities are exposed with School time then those with exceptional talent can be encouraged it to adopt it as a profession later on in life. It is well known fact that people in such profession are earning telephone figure salaries nowadays. Last but not least, such subject are stress buster. In the highly competitive era of today. Pressure of academic subjects are too high. Arts like drama, music break the monotony of tough academic study. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that our educational curriculum needs a serious revision and more of such subjects need to be added to the school curriculum. They compliment academic study, bring out hidden talent and break the ennui of tough academic study.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no place in the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have a feeling that time spent on
Possible spelling mistake found.
thses
things is time wasted. Recent study,
however
, have shown that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
that include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
education can have multiple benefits which I shall
The verb 'shall' requires the base form of the verb: "highlight"
highlights
in this essay.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in school is that it contributes to making a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well rounded
student. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, certain forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
instruction enhance and compliment basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as basic reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, language development and
Possible spelling mistake found.
writting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, children do well in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
also
.

Another advantage is that it encourages the pursuit of
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creative expression. When such hidden activities
are exposed
with School time then those with exceptional talent can
be encouraged
it to adopt it as a profession later on in life. It is well known fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in such profession are earning telephone figure salaries nowadays.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster. In the
highly
competitive era of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are too high.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
like drama, music break the monotony of tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that our educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
needs a serious revision and more of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. They compliment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study, bring out hidden talent and break the ennui of tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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