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some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. do you agree or disagree. v.1

some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. v. 1
The first reaction of many people is to concur to such claims that human beings don't have abilities to contribute for our surroundings' protections. However, there are persuasive reasons to dispute that only government or large corporations could help our environment. The main reason for improving the situation of air pollution is to decrease the emission of carbon dioxide. Take my friend Tina, for example, she takes public transportation instead of driving every day in order to create less use of fossil fuel. Furthermore, she also joined some of the activities to build more tree in the cities. By that way, trees could help a city create healthier air. From such examples, it demonstrates that everyone of us could do something for the place where we are living. Another reason that even a child could learn to protect our living areas is through separating the trash. For instance, everyone who lives in Taipei couldn't pour all trashes together. People need to separate glasses, papers, or others from daily garbages. Hence, some of the items can be recycled and the quantities of other trashes could be dropped. For this reason, it can be said that every civilian could contribute his own efforts for improving the place. There is not to say that the efforts of the government or other large companies are totally without merit. Nonetheless, in my point of views, I disagree that only they could help the environment. Protecting the world is the duty of everyone of us, therefore, we must protect it together.
The
first
reaction of
many
people
is to concur to such claims that human beings don't have abilities to contribute for our surroundings' protections.
However
, there are persuasive
reasons
to dispute that
only
government
or large corporations could
help
our environment.

The main
reason
for improving the situation of air pollution is to decrease the emission of carbon dioxide. Take my friend Tina,
for example
, she takes public transportation
instead
of driving every day in order to create less
use
of fossil fuel.
Furthermore
, she
also
joined
some of the
activities to build more tree in the cities. By that way, trees could
help
a city create healthier air. From such examples, it demonstrates that
everyone
of us could do something for the place where we are living.

Another
reason
that even a child could learn to protect our living areas is through separating the trash.
For instance
, everyone who
lives
in Taipei couldn't pour all trashes together.
People
need to separate glasses, papers, or others from daily
garbages
.
Hence
,
some of the
items can
be recycled
and the quantities of other trashes could
be dropped
. For this
reason
, it can
be said
that every civilian could contribute his
own
efforts for improving the place.

There is not to say that the efforts of the
government
or other large
companies
are
totally
without merit. Nonetheless, in my point of views, I disagree that
only
they could
help
the environment. Protecting the world is the duty of
everyone
of us,
therefore
, we
must
protect it together.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that subject like art, drama, add creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore thay need more of these subject to be included in the timetable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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