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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 8
Advancement is a requirement, but at the same time regional societies are also a crucial part of a human being's life, because we humans are social animals. It is often argued by many that, because of the accelerated buildup of huge markets in various nations, local ventures are not able to stand out in front of these big businesses. In my perspective, I completely agree with the statement that, it will kill the regional businesses and leave many without earnings if it continues to grow at a higher rate. First of all, I believe that the superstores sell most of the items at higher costs. By cause of the high prices there are many people who are not able to afford to buy these pricey things. To demonstrate, the bigger grocery stores like Metro and Loblaws sell the groceries at higher prices as compared to the market prices at which they purchase the groceries from manufacturers, to earn their profit and to pay the bills as well. Consequently, it will be more difficult for the poor individuals purchasing anything from these big stores if the local shops will die out because of them. Secondly, these shopping complexes are usually built in the middle of the big cities, far away from the countryside areas, which makes it problematic for the people residing in the villages to travel that far just to buy fewer things. Moreover, there is a population in some countries who do not have any means of transportation to travel to the cities to buy the items which are necessary for them. To put it another way, in a big country like India, where half of the population resides in rural regions, people prefer to purchase basic necessities like groceries or milk from local shopkeepers instead of travelling to the cities. As a result, if these regional markets will be closed, what would these people will do in future? To conclude, bigger complexes are essential for the growth of the economies, but at the same time locals are necessary for the local communities to able to get easy access to the items of daily need without any worries or hustling towards the cities situated far-far away.
Advancement is a requirement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time regional societies are
also
a crucial part of a human being's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we humans are social animals. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the accelerated buildup of huge markets in various nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
ventures are not able to stand out in front of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
businesses. In my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that, it will kill the regional businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
without earnings if it continues to grow at a higher rate.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that the superstores sell most of the items at higher costs. By cause of the high prices there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not able to afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these pricey things. To demonstrate, the bigger grocery stores like Metro and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Loblaws
sell the groceries at higher prices as compared to the market prices at which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the groceries from manufacturers, to earn their profit and to pay the bills
as well
.
Consequently
, it will be more difficult for the poor individuals purchasing anything from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
stores if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them.

Secondly
, these shopping complexes are
usually
built in the middle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, far away from the countryside areas, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it problematic for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in the villages to travel that far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fewer things.
Moreover
, there is a population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries who do not have any means of transportation to travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the items which are necessary for them. To put it another way, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
country like India, where half of the population resides in rural regions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
like groceries or milk from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers
instead
of travelling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As a result
, if these regional markets will
be closed
, what would these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do in future?

To conclude
, bigger complexes are essential for the growth of the economies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
are necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easy access to the items of daily need without any worries or hustling towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
situated far-far away.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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