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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.6

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 6
Although health science and technology have developed enormously compared with last few decades, people's health is deteriorating due to lack of knowledge about robustness education and precaution. I strongly agree that all governments invest huge volume of amount on healing ailments. This essay will discuss about the importance of preventing illness. To start with, there are a number of ways that governments can deal with this. One of the main approach is providing fundamental of health education. Governments can arrange campaign to educate fitness science to the public, including rural areas where people do not know about the basic knowledge of it. Moreover, this has to be included in school subjects, so that every kid will get a profound knowledge about hygiene and healthy lifestyle. Despite spending money for the treatment, there is an old saying which everyone knows and agrees that "Prevention is better than cure. " Furthermore, almost every person around the world approaches fast food centres, whether they oblivious about the energy facts or not because of the low price. To be honest, I don't personally like increasing the price of foods, however; governments have to arrange health inspection before release the license. For example, many food centres provide unhealthy stale recipes for their business profit. I would suggest that governments can arrange fitness inspection at least once in a month to ensure the quality of food providing by them. To conclude, therefore, in my own perception, allocating more budget in fitness education to everyone is far important than treatment budget. To reiterate, if governments do provide basic whisper about health science, and proper inspection before approving licenses, everyone will live healthy and safe.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
science and technology have developed
enormously
compared with last few decades,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is deteriorating due to lack of knowledge about robustness education and precaution. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest huge volume of amount on healing ailments. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
importance of preventing illness.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are a number of ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can deal with this. One of the main approach is providing fundamental of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
can arrange campaign to educate fitness science to the public, including rural areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not know about the basic knowledge of it.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be included
in school subjects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every kid will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a profound knowledge about hygiene and healthy lifestyle. Despite spending money for the treatment, there is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying which everyone knows and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Prevention is better than cure.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"


Furthermore
, almost every person around the world approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, whether they oblivious about the energy facts or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low price. To be honest, I don't
personally
like increasing the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
however
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
inspection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
release the license.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
provide unhealthy stale recipes for their business profit. I would suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can arrange fitness inspection at least once in a month to ensure the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
providing by them.

To conclude
,
therefore
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception, allocating more budget in fitness education to everyone is far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than treatment budget. To reiterate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do provide basic whisper about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
science, and proper inspection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
approving licenses, everyone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy and safe.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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