Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. v.1

Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. v. 1
Today, there is a huge debate about freedom of smoking in the public areas. Although some people believe that smokers should be allowed to smoke in open areas, I personally disagree with it because I think this habit can have more obvious side effects on citizens’ health. It can increase the risk of cancer, asthma and sudden death of newborns. One obvious risk of smoking is cancer. Passive smokers, who inhale the smoke of cigarette of smokers, usually endanger their health even more than the smokers, based on the studies implemented by American Cancer Institute. Their lungs intake more smoke chemicals, and smoking dust is extremely harmful to these people’s lungs. Another dangerous effect is a sudden death of newborns. Paediatrics have proven that those mothers, who have been more exposed to the smoke, their infants are usually more considerably vulnerable to congenital disorders, and ultimately the rate of mortality can be increased. Breathing over thousands of perilous materials in each puff of smoke can notably raise the risk of abortion in passive pregnant smokers. Lastly, it can be far risky to asthmatic people. This group usually have a worse irritative respiratory system than the normal humans, and their lung are inflamed by any dust particles, including smoke dust; therefore, even by breathing one minute of smoke in the public, their health will be jeopardised far dramatically. In conclusion, second-hand smoking is very risky to all humans, especially those having respiratory diseases. I personally believe that this habit not only can increase the risk of malignancy, but asthmatic attacks and infant mortality will become more highly dangerous. If I was a governor, I would consider more restrictions to smokers visiting public locations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there is a huge debate about freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the public areas. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that smokers should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in open areas, I
personally
disagree with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this habit can have more obvious side effects on citizens’ health. It can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of cancer, asthma and sudden death of newborns.

One obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is cancer. Passive smokers, who inhale the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
of cigarette of smokers,
usually
endanger their health even more than the smokers, based on the studies implemented by American Cancer Institute. Their lungs intake more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
chemicals, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
dust is
extremely
harmful to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lungs. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect is a sudden death of newborns.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paediatrics
have proven that those mothers, who have been more exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
, their infants are
usually
more
considerably
vulnerable to congenital disorders, and
ultimately
the rate of mortality can
be increased
. Breathing over thousands of perilous materials in each puff of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
can
notably
raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of abortion in passive pregnant smokers.

Lastly
, it can be far risky to asthmatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This group
usually
have a worse
Possible spelling mistake found.
irritative
respiratory system than the normal humans, and their lung
are inflamed
by any dust particles, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
dust;
therefore
, even by breathing one minute of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in the public, their health will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardised' is British English.
jeopardised
far
dramatically
.

In conclusion
, second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
risky to all humans,
especially
those having respiratory diseases. I
personally
believe that this habit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of malignancy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
asthmatic attacks and infant mortality will become more
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. If I was a governor, I would consider more restrictions to smokers visiting public locations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts