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In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 1
Owing to the harm smoking causes passive individuals, as a result of this, a handful of countries have taken up the responsibility to ban smoking in public places. I strongly agree with this major step as it will reduce hospitalizations and improve general health. To begin with, second hand smoke which consists of carcinogenic components, has serious negative health consequences that could harm lives permanently and individuals could develop cancers of the lungs, mouth and throat as a result of inhalation. Research has found that banning smoking in public places can reduce heart attack hospitalizations by 50%. In addition, the lingering odor of stale cigarettes in open places tends to linger on people's hair and clothes and takes longer to fade even while the offending party has left. Another point to consider is the right of the employer to provide a safe and healthy environment for its employees. Studies have shown that smoke free laws that prohibit smoking in public places like bars and restaurants help improve the health of workers and the general population. Also, smokers do not adequately dispose off the cigarette butt which has resulted in the littering of attractive buildings and the surrounding landscape. Furthermore, smoking in open facilities promotes a negative impact to the young ones which are admittedly learning from the elder ones. In conclusion, despite the fact that smokers are aware of the disastrous consequences of smoking, however, it is clear that individuals should be made to exit the facility if they need to smoke because this would improve the health of thousands of people.
Owing to the harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
causes passive individuals,
as a result
of this, a handful of countries
Possible agreement error
have
taken up the responsibility to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this major step as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
hospitalizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
general health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, second hand smoke which consists of carcinogenic components, has serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health consequences that could harm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
permanently
and individuals could develop cancers of the lungs, mouth and throat
as a result
of inhalation. Research has found that banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
heart attack hospitalizations by 50%.
In addition
, the lingering odor of stale cigarettes in open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
tends to linger on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's hair and clothes and takes longer to fade even while the offending party has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.

Another point to consider is the right of the employer to provide a safe and healthy environment for its employees. Studies have shown that smoke free laws that prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like bars and restaurants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of workers and the general population.
Also
, smokers do not
adequately
dispose off the cigarette butt which has resulted in the littering of attractive buildings and the surrounding landscape.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in open facilities promotes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the young ones which are
admittedly
learning from the elder ones.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that smokers are aware of the disastrous consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
,
however
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that individuals should
be made
to exit the facility if they need to smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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