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Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. v.3

Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. v. 3
It is believed that when people fail, it means that he did not have enough determination. I personally disagree with the statement, as I believe that failure is the learning process in life and the following essay will discuss it in details. Some people think that when we fail in doing things in life, it means that we are not serious enough in doing them. Many people think that when people have a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed. Failure should not be an option if things are prepared well. However, many people do not realise that behind the great achievement of successful people, they also have had failure moments. But these people had learned from their mistakes and improved their work, and as a consequence, they got better results. For example, Michael Jordan was dropped from his elementary school basketball team since the coach believed that he had not talent in basketball. But then Michael consistently practised his shooting ability and worked harder than all the other students. In the end, he became one of the great basketball legends in NBA history. Another exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb. Doing so he had failed several times but these failures do not indicate that this one of the greatest inventors of all time had the lack of determination or desire. Rather he learned from his failures and finally invented a working lightbulb that was the base for the modern electric light bulbs we use nowadays. In conclusion, I do not agree when people think that failure is a result of less encouragement and a lack of motivation. I believe that failure is a moment in life, where we should inspect our life and try to improve things. Once we do that, I am certain that we will achieve more in the future.
It
is believed
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail, it means that he did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
determination. I
personally
disagree with the statement, as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
is the learning process in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when we fail in doing things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it means that we are not serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in doing them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Failure
should not be an option if things
are prepared
well.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that behind the great achievement of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
also
have had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
moments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had learned from their mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their work, and as a consequence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better results.
For example
, Michael Jordan
was dropped
from his elementary school basketball team since the coach believed that he had not talent in basketball.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
then Michael
consistently
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
his shooting ability and worked harder than all the other students. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he became one of the great basketball legends in NBA history. Another exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he had failed several times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
do not indicate that this one of the greatest inventors of all time had the lack of determination or desire.
Rather
he learned from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
and
finally
invented a working
Possible spelling mistake found.
lightbulb
that was the base for the modern electric light bulbs we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nowadays.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
is a result of less encouragement and a lack of motivation. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
is a moment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, where we should inspect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
things. Once we do that, I am certain that we will achieve more in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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