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There has been a huge increase in the size of cities. Many cities have grown in a haphazard way. Why is careful planning important in the development of cities? v.1

There has been a huge increase in the size of cities. Many cities have grown in a haphazard way. Why is careful planning important in the development of cities? v. 1
In this modern world, the rapid increase in the number of population and vehicles is a serious challenge for the governments across the world. To accommodate the maximum number of people and vehicles in a city they have to enhance the size of it. In this essay writer would like to discuss why careful planning is crucial when building a city. To embark upon, first and foremost problem behind a broader city is that it causes deforestation. To make it clear, as they need more timber to build beautiful buildings and to make bigger cities they need more space so they grab the space of wild animals, so scientific planning is necessary. More importantly, this devastation of trees can cause air pollution so they should not imbalance natural habitat to build a huge city. Apart from this, they should have a proper waste management system most of the cities are facing this catastrophic problem such as recycling units and disposal units in the city. Furthermore, the government needs to plan well when building a city. As we know there are many sophisticated cities that struggle with the inefficient drainage system, such as Bombay, Tokyo and the like. Moreover, narrow roads can cause traffic congestion and it is impossible for them to reconstruct a city after building it. In addition to this, modern cities should be well connected with other major cities through seaways as well as road and airways. The cities have many visitors not only as visitors but also for trading and for dwelling so modern cities should be big enough to accommodate more people. Moreover, these should have ultra modern facilities such as schools, colleges and hospitals. To conclude, in this era most of the countries development are mainly concentrated in their cities so it is quite necessary to have a developed city but, these developments should be scientific.
In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world, the rapid increase in the number of population and vehicles is a serious challenge for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
across the world. To accommodate the maximum number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and vehicles in a city they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enhance the size of it. In this essay writer would like to discuss why careful planning is crucial when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
a city.

To embark upon,
first
and foremost problem behind a broader city is that it causes deforestation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, as they need more timber to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
they need more space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they grab the space of wild animals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
scientific planning is necessary. More
importantly
, this devastation of trees can cause air pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
The word 'imbalance' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should not imbalance
natural habitat to build a huge city. Apart from this, they should have a proper waste management system most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are facing this catastrophic problem such as recycling units and disposal units in the city.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to plan well when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
a city. As we know there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that struggle with the inefficient drainage system, such as Bombay, Tokyo and the like.
Moreover
, narrow roads can cause traffic congestion and it is impossible for them to reconstruct a city after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
it.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well connected
with other major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
through seaways
as well
as road and airways. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
visitors not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for trading and for dwelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to accommodate more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, these should have ultra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities such as schools, colleges and hospitals.

To conclude
, in this era most of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
development are
mainly
concentrated in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is quite necessary to have a developed city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, these developments should be scientific.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay There has been a huge increase in the size of cities. Many cities have grown in a haphazard way. Why is careful planning important in the development of cities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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