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Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. v.2

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. v. 2
Perhaps no subject around the world causes as much controversy as education does. There has long been a positive attitude towards using computers at schools, nowadays. While there are persuasive arguments in favour of boosting teachers' wages, I would argue that computers are much more necessary. On the one hand, it is suggested that teachers play a vital role in education and society as a whole. To begin with, providing teachers with high wages is a top priority in schooling systems. Since they are paid well, they motivate to transfer lessons to students with a considerable amount of energy. Besides, what is quite indispensable in schools is the presence of teachers so as to having mutual interaction between them and students which leads to students' success. It is obvious that if teachers find their salary as high as possible, they will be more likely to enjoy teaching. On the other hand, I advocate the role of computers in education. Firstly, we are living in a modern world and due to this students need to be familiar with the benefits of using computers as a means of study. Thus it is worthwhile that budget is allocated to purchase them. These devices facilitate the way pupils learn their materials. In addition, from a psychological perspective, recently youngsters are unwilling to attend school. Therefore, the widespread use of the computers can act as a driving force to create pleasant school atmosphere. In conclusion, although teachers with a high salary are considered to be highly beneficial for the educational system, I believe that financial support for providing computers has far advantages. They alter the way knowledge are transferred and provide gratitude for pupils.
Perhaps no subject around the world causes as much controversy as education does. There has long been a
positive
attitude towards using computers at
schools
, nowadays. While there are persuasive arguments in
favour
of boosting teachers' wages, I would argue that computers are much more necessary.

On the one hand, it
is suggested
that
teachers
play a vital role in education and society as a whole. To
begin
with, providing
teachers
with high wages is a top priority in schooling systems. Since they
are paid
well, they motivate to transfer lessons to students with a considerable amount of energy.
Besides
, what is quite indispensable in
schools
is the presence of
teachers
so as to
having mutual interaction between them and students which leads to students' success. It is obvious that if
teachers
find their salary as high as possible, they will be more likely to enjoy teaching.

On the other hand
, I advocate the role of computers in education.
Firstly
, we are living in a modern world and due to
this
students need to be familiar with the benefits of using computers as a means of study.
Thus
it is worthwhile that budget
is allocated
to
purchase
them. These devices facilitate the way pupils learn their materials.
In addition
, from a psychological perspective, recently youngsters are unwilling to attend
school
.
Therefore
, the widespread
use
of the computers can act as a driving force to create pleasant
school
atmosphere.

In conclusion
, although
teachers
with a high salary
are considered
to be
highly
beneficial for the educational system, I believe that financial support for providing computers has far advantages. They alter the way knowledge
are transferred
and provide gratitude for pupils.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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