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Nowadays most students either work to get some work experience or go abroad before their university start. Are these students distinct from others in their university studies? v.1

Nowadays most students either work to get some work experience or go abroad before their university start. Are these students distinct from others in their university studies? v. 1
In today's contemporary world, it has become a reverent activity of fetching a job or to fly overseas to be acquainted with the essential life skills before getting started with their higher education. Indeed, in this case, the students are deliberately let into a situation where in every time they are intrigued with the most required aspects for facing the real world through their experience. However, in another case, they are highly likely to get diverted from a regular study routine and take up a different path which is not careered prospective. Close examination shows that there are a variety of causes for this study break. Primary reason why students are driven towards work or travel abroad is that they are highly motivated to broaden their horizons. This is because they want themselves to be either equipped to handle challenging issues of  work environment like accomplishing tasks in spite of deadlines and poignant pressures or to explore  various cultures and people for the betterment of their future. Perhaps as significant as this is the fact that socialising with others has been a major life turning point. For instance, both while working and studying abroad, the persons influencing at that time may act as torch bearers by rendering helping hands not only by giving reference letter but also by showing the career path. This naturally leads them to be more distinctive when revealing their talents in the university. On the flip side, nevertheless, there is an upraised probability for a novice to get deviated from the strict timely bound studies and course path. There are two main reasons why this break in the studies deters educational progress. Perhaps the most significant of these is that they are entirely packed up with a different mundane and less likely get concentrated in studying further. Another connected reason is that the high pay, which they get on imprints of joyful moments about their travel, makes them less capable of analysing the prospects of getting further educated. This is because they have been earning money or handling more money during the course of breaks. In this way, even if they appear in the university, they are less likely to progress without being imbibed with the value of education. In a nutshell, though the study off seems to be beneficial by increasing the pragmatic cognizance of students, an insight to this scenario brings out the negative sides like distractions as well. So, to be honest, it depends on students to make maximum use of their acquaintance during the course of break and pursue a highly rewarding course.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's contemporary world, it has become a reverent activity of fetching a job or to
fly
overseas to
be acquainted
with the essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with their higher education.
Indeed
,
in this case
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
deliberately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
into a situation where in every time they
are intrigued
with the most required aspects for facing the real world through their experience.
However
, in another case, they are
highly
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted from a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
routine and take up a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
path which is not careered prospective.

Close examination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are a variety of causes for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
. Primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are driven
towards work or travel abroad is that they are
highly
motivated to broaden their horizons. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want themselves to be either equipped to handle challenging issues of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
work environment like accomplishing tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
deadlines and poignant pressures or to explore
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
various cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the betterment of their future. Perhaps as significant as this is the fact that
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with others has been a major life turning point.
For instance
, both while working and studying abroad, the persons influencing at that time may act as
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
torch bearers
by rendering helping hands not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by giving reference letter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by showing the career path. This
naturally
leads them to be more distinctive when revealing their talents in the university.

On the flip side,
nevertheless
, there is an upraised probability for a novice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated from the strict timely bound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
path. There are two main reasons why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
deters educational progress. Perhaps the most significant of these is that they are
entirely
packed up with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mundane and less likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
concentrated in studying
further
. Another connected reason is that the high pay, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on imprints of joyful moments about their travel,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less capable of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the prospects of getting
further
educated. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been earning money or handling more money during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaks
. In this way, even if they appear in the university, they are less likely to progress without
being imbibed
with the value of education.

In a nutshell, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
off seems to be beneficial by increasing the pragmatic cognizance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, an insight to this scenario brings out the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides like distractions
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to be honest, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their acquaintance during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
and pursue a
highly
rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most students either work to get some work experience or go abroad before their university start. Are these students distinct from others in their university studies? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
431 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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