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In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. v.1

In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. v. 1
The globalisation era nowadays is changing children habit to compare with the previous era in the aspect of eating habit and lifestyle. Some people believe that the eating habit and lifestyle have negative effects on children's life especially their health and poor friendship. In my opinion, it is a fact that children eating habit and lifestyle have changed dramatically that has dangerous influences. The drawback of it will be presenting on this paper. First of all, eating habit will affect the children health. It is important to notice that the current children commonly find out the easiest and the fastest way to find the food. Many ways to acquire the food but one better and faster way is fast food or junk food, which is provided in every corner of a city such as hamburger, pizza, etc. It is important to become aware of that this kind of food is not containing nutrition. Meanwhile, in the young ages are better to consume nutrition food which useful for their brain. The drawback of eating fast food is getting obesity, which is becoming common illness of young people nowadays. Moreover, children lifestyle also leads to lack of socialising with other people. More and more children nowadays spend time playing computer games in their bedroom which have beneficial outcomes to train their mind. In contrast, this habit has many disadvantages, for example, becoming addicted which lead to the lack of contact with their friends and also get sick because they never do exercises. Furthermore, the children should be able to manage time wisely between playing computer games and socialising with other people. In conclusion, it should be put in our attention that children activities nowadays are different to several years ago. Most today children’s habits are eating and playing computer games which affect their health, for example, obesity. The parents are responsible for helping their children to prevent them from any kinds of illness.
The
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era nowadays is changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
to compare with the previous era in the aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children's life
especially
their health and poor friendship. In my opinion, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
influences. The drawback of it will be presenting on this paper.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
health. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to notice that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
commonly
find out the easiest and the fastest way to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
ways to acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one better and faster way is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
is provided
in every corner of a city such as hamburger, pizza, etc. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to become aware of that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
The verb 'containing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is not containing
nutrition. Meanwhile, in the young ages are better to consume nutrition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which useful for their brain. The drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is getting obesity, which is becoming common illness of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
leads to lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays spend time playing computer games in their bedroom which have beneficial outcomes to train their mind.
In contrast
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages,
for example
, becoming addicted which lead to the lack of contact with their friends and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they never do exercises.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to manage time
wisely
between playing computer games and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it should
be put
in our attention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
activities nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to several years ago. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
and playing computer games which affect their health,
for example
, obesity. The parents are responsible for helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from any kinds of illness.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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