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Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons What is your opinion about that v.1

Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons What is your opinion about that v. 1
It is widely seen that grownups of current stage have more liberty as compared to earlier time. It is possibly due to advancement of time and life style which changes the hard and rigid norms of parents thinking. In my perspective, it is a positive development besides having some drawbacks. To begin with the negative side of the approach, when teenagers get complete freedom to do any kind of activities. Then, knowingly or unknowingly they get deviated from the main pathway of life. Because, of their indulgence in bad companies. For instance, in India most of the juveniles who are involved in drug abuse belong to lavish families where parents keep them aside from the life of their children. Despite all above, there are certain positive impacts of being liberal. Firstly, youngster chooses the carrier according to their own choice instead of their guardians will. For instance, a few years back it was trending in Indian society that the child was provided with only some carrier options like medical, non-medical and commerce to pursue their studies. Thus, the child felt burden all the time. In addition to above mentioned benefit, another could be the development of creativeness. As, it has been observed that today's generation born with inborn talent and skill. Thus, to enhance these factors in order to impart wisdom among young birds, the restrictions should be abandoned. In Conclusion, youngsters should be privileged to explore their emotions and thought, but the certain restrictions should be imposed by parents to keep their little one right pathway of life.
It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that grownups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stage have more liberty as compared to earlier time. It is
possibly
due to advancement of time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and rigid norms of parents thinking. In my perspective, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
besides
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of the approach, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
complete freedom to do any kind of activities. Then,
knowingly
or
unknowingly
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated from the main pathway of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, of their indulgence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, in India most of the juveniles who
are involved
in drug abuse belong to lavish families where parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them aside from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of their children.

Despite all above, there are certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of being liberal.
Firstly
, youngster chooses the carrier according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice
instead
of their guardians will.
For instance
, a few years back it was trending in Indian society that the child
was provided
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
carrier options like medical, non-medical and commerce to pursue their studies.
Thus
, the child felt burden all the time.

In addition
to above mentioned benefit, another could be the development of creativeness. As, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation born with inborn talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Thus
, to enhance these factors in order to impart wisdom among young birds, the restrictions should
be abandoned
.

In Conclusion
, youngsters should
be privileged
to explore their emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the certain restrictions should
be imposed
by parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one right pathway of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons What is your opinion about that v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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