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People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do v.1

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do v. 1
The increase in popularity of spoken languages such as Engish, Mandarin, and Spanish has ignited a fear that they may lead to the dying out of minority languages. Some countries are trying to address this fear by taking steps to protect minority languages. Even though a single language for communication with people from various regions is necessary, in my view minority languages should also be given equal importance. In this essay, I am going to support my opinion with relevant examples. Firstly, a community respects its local language more than any other language. This is because it is their own language and it is easier for them to communicate in that language. For example, I would like to speak in my mother tongue Telugu when I am communicating with a local because I grew up with this language and am fluent in it. If the government doesn't give importance to these languages, then it may lead to a severe backlash from the local community. As a consequence, this can affect the stability of the region. Furthermore, elders from these local communities might not be able to learn a new language and this can affect their daily life. Secondly, encouraging a language can help in preserving the local culture, thus increasing the cultural diversity and improving tourism revenue of the country. This happens because a lot of local culture depends on their language and these cultures can attract more tourists. To illustrate, famous tribal dances in India include their own language in the performance, these performances might not be the same if any other language is used in them. If measures are not taken to preserve these languages, then these cultures might die out. This could result in a decrease of tourism revenue. To Conclude, Although having a single language to communicate with people across the world is ideal, but ignoring minority languages can lead to community clashes and a drop in tourism revenue. Considering these problems I believe that governments should take steps to protect minority languages.
The increase in popularity of spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Engish
, Mandarin, and Spanish has ignited a fear that they may lead to the dying out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries are trying to address this fear by taking steps to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Even though
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for communication with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various regions is necessary, in my view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance. In this essay, I am going to support my opinion with relevant examples.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
respects its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
more than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and it is easier for them to communicate in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For example
, I would like to speak in my mother tongue Telugu when I am communicating with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I grew up with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and am fluent in it. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doesn't give importance to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, then it may lead to a severe backlash from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. As a consequence, this can affect the stability of the region.
Furthermore
, elders from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
might not be able to learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and this can affect their daily life.

Secondly
, encouraging a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
thus
increasing the cultural diversity and improving tourism revenue of the country. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can attract more tourists.

To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tribal dances in India include their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the performance, these performances might not be the same if any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in them. If measures are not taken to preserve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, then these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. This could result in a decrease of tourism revenue.

To Conclude
, Although having a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the world is ideal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ignoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
clashes and a drop in tourism revenue. Considering these problems I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take steps to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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