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Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v.2

Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 2
Some natives are of opinion that children should be taught about how to grow food and cooking from their teachers. I think this kind of encouragement will bring immense benefits towards their development in terms of their health and skills. This essays discuss the reasons behind such need and its benefits for the children. To begin with, I think in todays world, children are more fascinated towards the fast food and unhealthy food due to its availability in a diverse options such as Italian, Chinese, Spanish food etc. and at near store these reason really make them attracted towards these unhealthy food. Hence, it gives birth to many diseases like obesity, blood pressure and so on. To protect this generation, growing food and cooking it by themselves is the best way to persuade them towards the healthy and hygienic food. Moreover, when children grow food by themselves they came to know about the nutritional value of every food and how these food play an important role in their physical and mental growth. Furthermore, when child grow food it gives them the inner satisfaction and also play an important role to protect the environment. Children develop many skills by cooking food like it brings discipline, manners, food etiquette and their scope of knowledge in food. Besides this, children also become more creative as they use their innovative ideas to make the dish more delicious and well presented. For example there are many reality shows like master chef junior telecasted on TV and internet Which motivate their hardwork and develop their skills in this field. Therefore, this kind of involvement of children will only not develop their skills, but also nurture them in healthy lifestyle with their own innovative dishes. In conclusion, parents and teacher both come forward and encourage their children towards this activity as it bring holistic development in them and also protect them from any health issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
natives are of opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
about how to grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and cooking from their teachers. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this kind of encouragement will bring immense benefits towards their development in terms of their health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
essays discuss the reasons behind such need and its benefits for the children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more fascinated towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
due to its availability in a diverse
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "option"?
options
such as Italian, Chinese, Spanish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
etc. and at near store these reason
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them attracted towards these unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Hence
, it gives birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like obesity, blood pressure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. To protect this generation, growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and cooking it by themselves is the best way to persuade them towards the healthy and hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by themselves they came to know about the nutritional value of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their physical and mental growth.

Furthermore
, when child grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
it gives them the inner satisfaction and
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to protect the environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like it brings discipline, manners,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
etiquette and their scope of knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
become more creative as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the dish more delicious and well presented.
For example
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
like master chef junior
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on TV and internet Which motivate their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
and develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in this field.
Therefore
, this kind of involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
not develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nurture them in healthy lifestyle with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
innovative dishes.

In conclusion
, parents and teacher both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards this activity as it bring holistic development in them and
also
protect them from any health issues.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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