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some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. what is your opinion about that? v.4

some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. what is your opinion about that? v. 4
It is believed by a number of individuals that pupils ought to be taught raising plants and using them in cooking as a curricular activity. From my perspective, this skill is valuable to be learned by little children because growing seeds may motivate the offspring to be patient, in addition, this helps them to be mature cooks in the foresee future. To begin with, schools should be keen on teaching their pupils some steps to raise vegetables and fruits in order to boost their patience. This is because if children grow plants, they will water and nourish them for months till they achieve their goals. For example, a book, which called Child Interests, illustrated the importance of occupying children in their formative stage by raising seeds as this would make them away from being impulsive and be more patient. Moreover, when pupils are taught cooking in their schools, this will provide them by some basics for this skill, which may help them after they become independent. In other words, schools should emphasise on teaching children some tips which help to serve themselves if they face any pressing situation that forces them to cook. For instance, after secondary school a number of students might choose to travel to complete their studies so that these students will be in need to prepare their food. Thus, if pupils learn how to cook, they will be able to face the previous situation easier. In conclusion, I believe that due to teach the young generation to be more patient and encourage them to cook for themselves when they are in-need, applying specific classes to help children to grow plants and cook them is preferable.
It
is believed
by a number of individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
ought to
be taught
raising plants and using them in cooking as a curricular activity. From my perspective, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is valuable to
be learned
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
growing seeds may motivate the offspring to be patient,
in addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to be mature cooks in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'foresee' is correct. If 'foresee' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the foresee
future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be keen on teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to raise vegetables and fruits in order to boost their patience. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow plants, they will water and nourish them for months till they achieve their goals.
For example
, a book, which called Child Interests, illustrated the importance of occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their formative stage by raising seeds as this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them away from being impulsive and be more patient.

Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
are taught
cooking in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this will provide them by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basics for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them after they become independent.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to serve themselves if they face any pressing situation that forces them to cook.
For instance
, after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
a number of students might choose to travel to complete their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these students will be in need to prepare their food.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
learn how to cook, they will be able to face the previous situation easier.

In conclusion
, I believe that due to teach the young generation to be more patient and encourage them to cook for themselves when they are in-need, applying specific classes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow plants and cook them is preferable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. what is your opinion about that? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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