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Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v.1

Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 1
Food is one of the basic requirement for survival. Certain individual tell that school teenagers must acquire knowledge related to growing and as well cooking in their subjects. I disagree with the notion because it is irrelevant and it is an additional burden. To begin with, Parent who is proposing lesson related to cultivating and growing food for children is not required because there are other important general subject in the school curriculum, Most subject in school are related to literature, Mathematics, Science and social. Already this lesson is indispensable and this cooking proposed subject can be learnt after completion of school. for instance, UK Curriculum has a wide range of subject and 95% of students are already facing problem in completing their task. Furthermore, the other reason for refusal for cooking subject in school is because it is extra pressure on children. Already regular lesson needs sufficient time for children to complete it and by including this new subject will add-on pressure on them. Food is essential for living, but it is not essential to acquire information in depth from initial stages of cultivation and final stage of preparing in the kitchen. Latter when children excel in their regular syllabus they can think about specializing in their interest field. But now forcing them will hinder in other studies. for example, As per recent studies it is concluded that most children are hospitalized due to excess of pressure from regular studies. In conclusion, Irrelevance and over burdening are two main reasons for my disagreement for including growing and cooking lesson in the school subject. Children when they complete their elementary school and pass out with excellent grades, then they are free to decide their career and take on agriculture subject or hotel management to learn in depth.
Food is one of the basic requirement for survival. Certain individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acquire knowledge related to growing and
as well
cooking in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is irrelevant and it is an additional burden.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Parent who is proposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
related to cultivating and growing food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are related
to literature, Mathematics, Science and social. Already this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
is indispensable and this cooking proposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
after completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, UK Curriculum has a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and 95% of students are already facing problem in completing their task.

Furthermore
, the other reason for refusal for cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is extra pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Already regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
needs sufficient time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to complete it and by including this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
-on pressure on them. Food is essential for living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not essential to acquire information in depth from initial stages of cultivation and final stage of preparing in the kitchen. Latter when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
excel in their regular syllabus they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about specializing in their interest field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
forcing them will hinder in other studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, As per recent studies it
is concluded
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are hospitalized
due to excess of pressure from regular studies.

In conclusion
, Irrelevance and over burdening are two main reasons for my disagreement for including growing and cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
when they complete their elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and pass out with excellent grades, then they are free to decide their career and take on agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
or hotel management to learn in depth.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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