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Some believe that a student’s success is mainly based on the quality of their teaching while others think it has more to do with the student’s attitude. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some believe that a student’s success is mainly based on the quality of their teaching while others think it has more to do with the student’s attitude. v. 1
It is commonly considered by many that the success of students is determined by the quality of their education. However, others tend to oppose this idea and believe that it is completely depends upon their behaviour. In my opinion, the right balance of both plays a significant role behind the success of an individual. To begin with, those who opine that a good quality of education is necessary for the career growth of students can easily point out its importance in the real life. That is to say, a vast majority of reputed organisations use university degrees as a filtering criterion to choose their employees. On the top of it, they conduct a variety of assessment tests to verify the practical and theoretical knowledge of a candidate, which means only those students who have thorough knowledge of education can perform well in their interviews and secure highly reputed jobs. On the other hand, it is rightly said that positive attitude brings a fortune to people. In other words, it is highly likely for people to become successful in life if they have required determination and hunger to achieve their dreams and aspirations, otherwise they would end up getting nothing in life. Furthermore, there are certain evidence that shows the passion is far more considerable to earn a success in life as compared to education. For instance, Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, has left the school at the age of 15 to pursue his dream of becoming a software engineer. To conclude, as both quality education and individual’s attitude plays a crucial role in gaining an optimal level of success, therefore, I believe both should be given equal importance.
It is
commonly
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of students
is determined
by the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that it is completely depends upon their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In my opinion, the right balance of both plays a significant role behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of an individual.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who opine that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary for the career growth of students can
easily
point out its importance in the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
That is
to say, a vast majority of reputed
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
university degrees as a filtering criterion to choose their employees. On the top of it, they conduct a variety of assessment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
to verify the practical and theoretical knowledge of a candidate, which means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those students who have thorough knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can perform well in their interviews and secure
highly
reputed jobs.

On the other hand
, it is
rightly
said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude brings a fortune to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, it is
highly
likely for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to become successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
if they have required determination and hunger to achieve their dreams and aspirations,
otherwise
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up getting nothing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, there are certain evidence that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the passion is far more considerable to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the school at the age of 15 to pursue his dream of becoming a software engineer.

To conclude
, as both quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and individual’s attitude plays a crucial role in gaining an optimal level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
therefore
, I believe both should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that a student’s success is mainly based on the quality of their teaching while others think it has more to do with the student’s attitude. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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