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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.17

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 17
International tourism definitely has some merits, however, there is a issue about whether its negative influences on local environment are more notable. From my perspective, there is no doubt that the merits of international tourism outweigh its demerits. On the one hand, tourism can improve economics of the country. Many people are willing to get involved in the local people's life when they travel at another country. In this situation, they spend money on the special local product and living hotels. This certainly bring profits to the country. Lots of local products cannot attract native people to purchase, which leads to a decreasing income. Thus, native people are more likely to welcome foreigners. Another merit is that many people travel around the world in order to seek for an ideal investment, that can bring a win-win result between countries. On the other hand, it is also approved that the local environment is damaged by a large number of tourists due to their impolite habits. For example, some foreigners do not respect the local inhabitants; they harm wild animals and plants, and throw rubbish. However, this is inevitable when the whole popularity increases. When foreigners live there, they are more like to pay attention on the local life. Thus, they easily ignore the emotions of local people. Although, this causes negative influences on their impressions, gaining profits, improving native employment, and enhancing the development of the country are making international tourism prosperous. In conclusion, it appears to me that the merits of international tourism are more notable than its drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merits
,
however
, there is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
issue about whether its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment are more notable. From my perspective, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
outweigh its demerits.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
economics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life when they travel at another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In this situation, they spend money on the special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
product and living hotels. This
certainly
bring profits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
products cannot attract native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, which leads to a decreasing income.
Thus
, native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to welcome foreigners. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel around the world in order to seek for an ideal investment, that can bring a win-win result between countries.

On the other hand
, it is
also
approved that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment
is damaged
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
tourists due to their impolite habits.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foreigners do not respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants; they harm wild animals and plants, and throw rubbish.
However
, this is inevitable when the whole popularity increases. When foreigners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there, they are more like to pay attention on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
life.
Thus
, they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the emotions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although, this causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on their impressions, gaining profits, improving native employment, and enhancing the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
prosperous.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
are more notable than its drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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