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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.6

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 6
Over the years, the obesity among children has increased alarmingly. The changes in the modern lifestyle and food habits of people are the major cause of this rapid rise. However, it is significant to consider the causes and effects of overweight in children. To begin with, it is vital to identify the harmful effects of junk foods. With the modern lifestyle, people prefer to eat from outside, rather than homemade food, and it leads to the over dependency of fast food. Moreover, as both the parents in a family are employed, and they are busy with office work, children have to rely fast food outlets and restaurants. With the advancement in technology, many online applications and website available, which allow people to order a variety of foods easily, and they deliver the items in the doorstep. In order to promote the sale of items, and to make food more delicious, the suppliers add many ingredients. For instance, ajnomotto is one of the major food ingredients, and it is used to make food tastier, but the study suggests that it is harmful to health. In addition, the reliability on junk foods has become indispensable in the society. Many people believe that increased rate of overweight in children affects the developed countries drastically. Over dependency on fast food leads to develop hormone changes in the body of children, and it results in gain more weight, which can in turn leads to many health issues. For example, the study suggests that children who prefer to have junk foods are more prone to heart attacks and other diseases increase, and it causes heart attacks, even from the younger ages. In conclusion, it is significant to consider the drawbacks and effects of fast food, which is the major contributing factor for the rapid rise of obesity rate among children. The busy schedule of parents and addiction to fast foods are the real causes of overweight in younger people.
Over the years, the obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has increased
alarmingly
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the modern lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of this rapid rise.
However
, it is significant to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and effects of overweight in children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is vital to identify the harmful effects of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. With the modern lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to eat from outside,
rather
than homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and it leads to the over dependency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, as both the parents in a family
are employed
, and they are busy with office work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "rely on".
rely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets and restaurants. With the advancement in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online applications and website available, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to order a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
easily
, and they deliver the items in the doorstep.

In order to promote the sale of items, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more delicious, the suppliers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ingredients.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ajnomotto
is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
tastier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the study suggests that it is harmful to health.

In addition
, the reliability on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has become indispensable in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that increased rate of overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
affects the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
drastically
. Over dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
leads to develop hormone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the body of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and it results in gain more weight, which can in turn leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues.
For example
, the study suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who prefer to have junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are more prone to heart attacks and other diseases increase, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
heart attacks, even from the younger ages.

In conclusion
, it is significant to consider the drawbacks and effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is the major contributing factor for the rapid rise of obesity rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The busy schedule of parents and addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of overweight in younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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