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Some people say that school children sgoyld learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lesson. what's your opinion? v.1

Some people say that school children sgoyld learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lesson. what's your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, folks elaborate that food cultivation and culinary, Should include in school curriculum. In my opinion, following the range of home science at a primary level is necessary. Despite, the complication of lesson time allocation, along with difficult theses subjects is a challenge. In short, necessity of food growing is vital nowadays, while other subjects refer the job prosperity. Firstly, variety of thesis and practical skills are important to create the fundamental intelligence of teenagers. But, student satisfaction encourages them for school work. For example, gardening vegetables and culinary skills, shape them for the future with healthy food habits. As a result, students as adults will prepare their nutritious eats and nourish their children and them self too, despite depending on fast foods. In short, primary education persisting culinary and planting is good for shaping up healthy citizens. On the other hand, at academic level students should be given an opportunity to concentrate on their main subjects while their cooking and gardening as a hobby to make them happy. To Illustrate, maths, science and physics, based on theories are complicated, then more time and effort has to be put into, rather than practical skills. As a result, students have to concentrate on intellectual skills they persist. In short, later part of schooling should be vital on the student's main subjects in shaping up teens for their future assignments while practical as hobbies. In conclusion, early teens should be exposed to cultivation and culinary fundamentals while the later part in theses subject is better at progression. In my view, parents and teachers should work together To identify learning time for growing and cooking practices. In a word, success relies on our balanced lifestyle nourished during schooling.
Nowadays, folks elaborate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
cultivation and culinary, Should include in school curriculum. In my opinion, following the range of home science at a primary level is necessary. Despite, the complication of lesson time allocation, along with difficult
Did you mean "these"?
theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is a challenge. In short, necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
growing is vital nowadays, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
refer the job prosperity.

Firstly
, variety of thesis and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to create the fundamental intelligence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
satisfaction encourages them for school work.
For example
, gardening vegetables and culinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, shape them for the future with healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as adults will prepare their nutritious eats and nourish their children and them self too, despite depending on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. In short, primary education persisting culinary and planting is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for shaping up healthy citizens.

On the other hand
, at academic level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to concentrate on their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while their cooking and gardening as a hobby to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. To Illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, science and physics, based on theories
are complicated
, then more time and effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be put
into,
rather
than practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate on intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they persist. In short, later part of schooling should be vital on the student's main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in shaping up teens for their future assignments while practical as hobbies.

In conclusion
, early teens should
be exposed
to cultivation and culinary fundamentals while the later part in
Did you mean "these"?
theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is better at progression.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my view, parents and teachers should work together To identify learning time for growing and cooking practices.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
a word, success relies on our balanced lifestyle nourished during schooling.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that school children sgoyld learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lesson. what's your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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