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If you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v.1

If you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v. 1
Today, all age groups share personal data on social media each day without being aware of the potential harms. This essay will elaborate the advantages and disadvantages of the increased use of social media. In my opinion, the cons outweigh the pros and therefore use of social media should either be limited or replaced by a secure medium. On the one hand, social media helps people to connect all over the world, since it offers a very convenient way to stay in touch with your friends from abroad. For example, sharing moments via Instagram stories is really handy and people use it more frequently. Therefore, it is understandable that the popularity of social media is rising. On the other hand, sharing more personal data makes people more exposed to the risks of data or identity theft. For instance, algorithms of Facebook used personal data from its users to control the Trump election. For this reason, sharing data is not only dangerous for the individual, but also poses risks at our democracy, our whole state. Furthermore, another crucial risk of social media is that the design of data protection laws is currently not effective to protect the individual if his or her data is stolen or hacked. In other words, sharing sensitive data without having a safe, legal harbour surrounding you, can end up in a tragic loss for an individual or a whole company. In conclusion, there are some plausible points for both the pros and cons of social media. In terms of data security and lack of data legislation, I believe that the risks of social media clearly outweigh the benefits and hence should be limited.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, all age groups share personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
each day without being aware of the potential harms. This essay will elaborate the advantages and disadvantages of the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In my opinion, the cons outweigh the pros and
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should either
be limited
or replaced by a secure medium.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to connect all over the world, since it offers a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient way to stay in touch with your friends from abroad.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
moments via Instagram stories is
really
handy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it more
frequently
.
Therefore
, it is understandable that the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is rising.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
more personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
or identity theft.
For instance
, algorithms of Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
from its users to control the Trump election.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
poses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
at our democracy, our whole state.

Furthermore
, another crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that the design of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
protection laws is
currently
not effective to protect the individual if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is stolen
or hacked.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
without having a safe, legal
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbour' is British English.
harbour
surrounding you, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a tragic loss for an individual or a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plausible points for both the pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
legislation, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
clearly
outweigh the benefits and
hence
should
be limited
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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