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Q1f you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v.1

Q1f you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v. 1
It is argued that governments are wasting their resources by paying for the preservation of arts and that they would be better off spending the funds on public sectors. While it is crucial to increase spending on public services such as education or transportation, governments should not cut all their expenses on the arts. On the one hand, improving public services is crucial for the development of a country. For example, when the funds are utilised for traffic projects like road maintenance or public transportation, the number of traffic accidents will reduce, and people can plan their trips better around the city thanks to frequent bus and train services. Furthermore, with sufficient funding, the authorities can keep public workers happy and avoid their going on strikes. Imagine all teachers in a city stop teaching for a day to protest against low wages. It would lead to classes being cancelled, and parents having to stay home to look after their schoolchildren. That would be a very troublesome / difficult situation for families and offices alike. On the other hand, it is equally important to spend on the arts. If the officials decided to stop spending on music and theatre, it would be a serious mistake and could result in the loss of national identity. We all know that arts and culture are interrelated. If a country does not emphasize on preserving the arts, the cultural aspects associated with traditional music and theatre will gradually disappear. The nation will in turn lose their cultural uniqueness, which is of great importance for tourism. If travellers find nothing extraordinary about a culture, it is less likely that they will make that country their desired destination. In conclusion, I am against the idea of governments cutting all investment in arts to spend on public services. The authorities should balance their spending between these two sectors so public services can operate smoothly and at the same time cultural diversity and uniqueness can be maintained.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are wasting their resources by paying for the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and that they would be better off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
sectors. While it is crucial to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as education or transportation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
all their expenses on the arts.

On the one hand, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is crucial for the development of a country.
For example
, when the funds are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for traffic projects like road maintenance or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, the number of traffic accidents will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can plan their trips better around the city thanks to frequent bus and train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Furthermore
, with sufficient funding, the authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
workers happy and avoid their going on strikes. Imagine all teachers in a city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
teaching for a day to protest against low wages. It would lead to classes
being cancelled
, and parents having to stay home to look after their schoolchildren. That would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
troublesome / difficult situation for families and offices alike.

On the other hand
, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. If the officials decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, it would be a serious mistake and could result in the loss of national identity. We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and culture
are interrelated
. If a country does not emphasize on preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the cultural aspects associated with traditional music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
will
gradually
disappear. The nation will in turn lose their cultural uniqueness, which is of great importance for tourism. If
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
find nothing extraordinary about a culture, it is less likely that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that country their desired destination.

In conclusion
, I am against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
cutting all investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. The authorities should balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
between these two sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can operate
smoothly
and at the same time cultural diversity and uniqueness can
be maintained
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Q1f you have a chance to give a lesson in an elementary school, what topic would you like to teach; How to protect the environment, how to grow plants, or how to cook simple and healthy food? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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