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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of curriculum. To what extent do you agree? v.5

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of curriculum. v. 5
Nowadays, the phenomenon of enhancing the child’s physical condition is considered as a crucial responsibility of the parent themselves. Consequently, individuals have ignored and abandoned physical activities in the institute and obey that this course should be eliminated from the syllabus. In my perspective, I personally disagree with this phenomenon and believe that to ensure a child’s health both parents and educational institutions should co-operate. To begin with, exercise contributes to numerous benefit among young people, such as lower chance of disease, good physical body, and increase brain-functioning. Consequently, parents should take an initial step for giving kids a proper instruction and awareness of the workout. However, it is not only a parental priority alone, but also institute has to imitate a movement and help their pupils to gain good body’s condition by giving them an adequate class for enhancing consciousness of the gym on individual pupil. Turning to another disagreement, as some are thought that physical education classes should be banned from the curriculum and encourage young people to spend time with academic lessons. As a result, kids are being struggled in academic pressure since they do not have an activity to release those feelings. On the contrary, encouraging sport lessons to be compulsory at school contributes to an alleviation of anxiety and stress that generates by ordinary courses. For instance, the popularity of children that being subjected to depression has increased overwhelmingly by a disappearing of sport activities to relieve their stress. To conclude, physical education courses have to remain compulsory at school to alleviate the depression among students. Moreover, the priority and responsibility of child’s physical health should be taken by a parent or a teacher.
Nowadays, the phenomenon of enhancing the child’s
physical
condition
is considered
as a crucial responsibility of the
parent
themselves.
Consequently
, individuals have
ignored
and abandoned
physical
activities in the institute and obey that this course should
be eliminated
from the syllabus. In my perspective, I
personally
disagree with this phenomenon and believe that to ensure a child’s health both
parents
and educational institutions should co-operate.

To
begin
with, exercise contributes to numerous benefit among young
people
, such as lower chance of disease,
good
physical
body, and increase brain-functioning.
Consequently
,
parents
should take an initial step for giving kids a proper instruction and awareness of the workout.
However
, it is not
only
a parental priority alone,
but
also
institute
has to
imitate a movement and
help
their pupils to gain
good
body’s condition by giving them an adequate
class
for enhancing consciousness of the gym on individual pupil.

Turning to another disagreement, as
some
are
thought
that
physical
education classes should
be banned
from the curriculum and encourage young
people
to spend time with academic lessons.
As a result
, kids are
being struggled
in academic pressure since they do not have an activity to release those feelings.
On the contrary
, encouraging sport lessons to be compulsory at school contributes to an alleviation of anxiety and
stress
that generates by ordinary courses.
For instance
, the popularity of children that
being subjected
to depression has increased
overwhelmingly
by a disappearing of sport activities to relieve their
stress
.

To conclude
,
physical
education courses
have to
remain compulsory at school to alleviate the depression among students.
Moreover
, the priority and responsibility of child’s
physical
health should
be taken
by a
parent
or a teacher.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of curriculum. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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