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Some people say that purpose of education is to prepare useful society members. Others say that it is only helpful to achieve people’s personal ambitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people say that purpose of education is to prepare useful society members. Others say that it is only helpful to achieve people’s personal ambitions. v. 1
It is true that, recently, education seems to be the priority in a nation or country with the increasing high competition all around the world. While some people argue whether the numerous investigations in education aim to prepare residents to become skillful workers who are beneficial to the society or to achieve their own success. From my perspective, society can benefit from dwellers’ personal achievements. To begin with, some people advocate that education are funded by governments; therefore, it is reasonable for the students who have received compulsory education, are asked to learn more practical skills and technologies to contribute themselves in economic progress. For example, some students who come from destitute area without sufficient money to pay for the entrance expense of schooling, are provided financial aid for the tax revenue. Understandably, if those graduations fail to become useful members for country or community, it is inevitable result in a waste of public resources. Moreover, the prosperity of one nation cannot be separated from the efforts of the whole citizens. On the other hand, opponents argue that education should not be the limitation to humans’ further development. It is more motive for people, if they have the freedom to choose what they actual like. For example, many talent artists have achieved an unprecedented height, but if they are forced to learn some practical subjects, they may unable to have this breakthrough in art. In addition, achieving one’s own ambition is not a conflict regarding society contribution. It is also believed that people’s achievements are of benefits for society and individuals as a whole. In conclusion, both sides of statements make great sense, while I strongly believe that people have the right to make their dream come true in whatever field. Regardless of the slightly less economic valuable in some areas, people’s ambition should be respected and it is of value to society in some extent.
It is true that, recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
seems to be the priority in a nation or country with the increasing high competition all around the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue whether the numerous investigations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aim to prepare residents to become skillful workers who are beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or to achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
success. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can benefit from dwellers’ personal achievements.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are funded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
;
therefore
, it is reasonable for the students who have received compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
are asked
to learn more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and technologies to contribute themselves in economic progress.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from destitute area without sufficient money to pay for the entrance expense of schooling,
are provided
financial aid for the tax revenue.
Understandably
, if those graduations fail to become useful members for country or community, it is inevitable result in a waste of public resources.
Moreover
, the prosperity of one nation cannot
be separated
from the efforts of the whole citizens.

On the other hand
, opponents argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should not be the limitation to humans’
further
development. It is more motive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if they have the freedom to choose what they
The word "actual" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "actually"?
actual
like.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talent artists have achieved an unprecedented height,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they
are forced
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical subjects, they
Did you mean "may be unable"?
may unable
to have this breakthrough in art.
In addition
, achieving one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ambition is not a conflict regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
contribution. It is
also
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
achievements are of benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and individuals as a whole.

In conclusion
, both sides of statements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great sense, while I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true in whatever field. Regardless of the
slightly
less economic valuable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
ambition should
be respected
and it is of value to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that purpose of education is to prepare useful society members. Others say that it is only helpful to achieve people’s personal ambitions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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