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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 2
In recent years, there has been a heated debate about whether the income of artists and athletes should be higher than that of doctors, teachers or engineers. Some claim that proffesional workers should earn more than those working in the field of sports and entertainment for their contribution to society. Personally, though I agree that proffesional workers are the main driving force of today society, the possitive influence of artists and athletes should not be taken lightly. On the one side, proffesional workers are directly responsible for the technological advancement, which has shaped the course of history and will continue to mould the future of a country. For instance, in many developed nations, the technology has allowed the economy to sustain its steady growth speed, ensuring the nation’s prospect of a prosperous future. Futhermore, scientists with their vast knowledge are able to identify potential dangers to devise strategies and methods to protect mankind. To be more specific, thanks to the work of doctors and phamacists numerous previously fatal diseases can now be cured, saving millions of lives. On the other hand, people working in the fields of sports and showbiz can also contribute to society by inspiring others to perfect themselves in various aspects. In particular, sportsmen such as Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps have set examples of determination and hard work for children and alduts alike around the world while actors such as Keanu Reeves and Ewan McGregor taught them the leason of kindness to the less fortunate. Additionally, sportmen and artists can bring fame and name to the countries through their actions and achivements. For example, together with the rise of Maradona in the 1950s, Argentina saw a massive increase in its popularity, making it a well-known tourist destination by 1960. In conclusion, both proffesional workers and sportmen or artists contribute greatly to society in various forms. In my opinion, it would be inapporiate to simply judge the size of a person’s contribution to evaluate how much he/she should earn.
In recent years, there has been a heated debate about whether the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and athletes should be higher than that of doctors, teachers or engineers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should earn more than those working in the field of sports and entertainment for their contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Personally
, though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are the main driving force of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and athletes should not
be taken
lightly
.

On the one side,
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
directly
responsible for the technological advancement, which has shaped the course of history and will continue to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the future of a country.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed nations, the technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the economy to sustain its steady growth speed, ensuring the nation’s prospect of a prosperous future.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, scientists with their vast knowledge are able to identify potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to devise strategies and methods to protect mankind. To be more specific, thanks to the work of doctors and
Possible spelling mistake found.
phamacists
numerous previously fatal diseases can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be cured
, saving millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in the fields of sports and showbiz can
also
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by inspiring others to perfect themselves in various aspects.
In particular
, sportsmen such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usain
Bolt or Michael Phelps have set examples of determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for children and
Possible spelling mistake found.
alduts
alike around the world while actors such as Keanu Reeves and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ewan
McGregor taught them the
Possible spelling mistake found.
leason
of kindness to the less fortunate.
Additionally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportmen
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can bring fame and name to the countries through their actions and
Possible spelling mistake found.
achivements
.
For example
, together with the rise of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maradona
in the 1950s, Argentina
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a massive increase in its popularity, making it a well-known tourist destination by 1960.

In conclusion
, both
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportmen
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
contribute
greatly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in various forms. In my opinion, it would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
inapporiate
to
simply
judge the size of a person’s contribution to evaluate how much he/she should earn.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
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IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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