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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 3
It is reckoned that highly qualified workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers should receive higher income that those working in entertainment industry and sportsmen. Personally, I agree that not only professional careers but also athletes and entertainers get high pay. To begin with, it is acknowledged that skilled workers such as doctors and engineers should be awarded lucrative income. In fact, professional careers are more likely to require hard work and commitment. For example, scientists tend to devote most of their time from early morning to late at night doing research and carrying out experiments. Hence, the scientific breakthroughs they make have contributed enormously to a more developed society. Another good example is teachers. Teachers are likely to have weighty responsibility for educating future workforce. The inspirations and knowledge teachers provide form the well-educated people, becoming promising driving workforce. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that people working in sports and entertainment industries are deserved to receive high wage. Firstly, sportsmen inspire the public about determination, hard work and the sense of competition. For instance, athletes may have to sacrifice their time with family and friends for advanced and high-level training on a daily basis that ordinary people are impossible to follow. Secondly, sportsmen and entertainers bring fame and name to their country. Take Korean idols as a good example. Korean girl or boy bands or actors and actresses have made enormous wave of trends in the whole Asia. A massive number of fans buy their idols’ products and imitate their styles. Therefore, Korea can enhance its image and popularity worldwide. Thus, there is no doubt that people who embark on a career in sports and entertainment should earn high income. In conclusion, it is rational that both high qualified workers and sportsmen and entertainers receive lucrative pay due to those contribution in various aspects to their country.
It
is reckoned
that
highly
qualified workers such as doctors, nurses and
teachers
should receive higher income that those working in entertainment industry and sportsmen.
Personally
, I
agree
that not
only
professional careers
but
also
athletes and entertainers
get
high
pay.

To
begin
with, it
is acknowledged
that skilled workers such as doctors and engineers should
be awarded
lucrative income. In fact, professional careers are more likely to require
hard
work and commitment.
For example
, scientists tend to devote most of their time from early morning to late at night doing research and carrying out experiments.
Hence
, the scientific breakthroughs they
make
have contributed
enormously
to a more developed society. Another
good
example is
teachers
.
Teachers
are likely to have weighty responsibility for educating future workforce. The inspirations and knowledge
teachers
provide form the well-educated
people
, becoming promising driving workforce.

Nevertheless
, I
strongly
believe that
people
working in sports and entertainment industries
are deserved
to receive
high
wage.
Firstly
, sportsmen inspire the public about determination,
hard
work and the sense of competition.
For instance
, athletes may
have to
sacrifice their time with family and friends for advanced and high-level training on a daily basis that ordinary
people
are impossible to follow.
Secondly
, sportsmen and entertainers bring fame and name to their country. Take Korean idols as a
good
example. Korean girl or boy bands or actors and actresses have made enormous wave of trends in the whole Asia. A massive number of fans
buy
their idols’ products and imitate their styles.
Therefore
, Korea can enhance its image and popularity worldwide.
Thus
, there is no doubt that
people
who embark on a career in sports and entertainment should earn
high
income.

In conclusion
, it is rational that both
high
qualified workers and sportsmen and entertainers receive lucrative pay due to
those contribution
in various aspects to their country.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 3

Essay
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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