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Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v.2

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 2
Despite the advantages of physical activities, a large number of people argue that academic studies should be lasted, for the whole school day due to the desire of receiving high grades. From my perspective, all schools should consider physical education as a compulsory subject. First and foremost, should students attend too many lessons in a long time point, they will not have enough energy to acquire knowledge effectively. Hence, outdoor activities could solve this problem by improving endurance and ability of concentration. Many scientists have pronounced a report in recent years that a person is advised to take exercise at least thirty minutes per day in order to maintain good health and avoid reducing short-term memory. As the result, scientists recommend that teenagers should spend half of day for extra-curricular activities beside stressful classes. For example, point schedule arranges that academic classes in the morning and physical education in the afternoon and provide opportunities for pupils to join in any sports in school. Not only sports benefit in mental aspect but also develop brawny and well built. Moreover, outdoor activities also teach students essential soft skills which are useful for maturing progress. A great deal of sports relates to improving confidence, creativity, capability of communication between teammates or leadership and so on. For instance, in football, students can learn how to manage in team-work without conflicts and develop abilities of formulating strategy, overcoming obstacles. Taking part in sports could train students in optimizing time more efficiently and focusing on targets, moreover, these activities can help students make new friends easily and also prompt to build a supportive environment in school. Extra curricular activities supply students with vital personal traits to deal with struggle in future life. In conclusion, to those advantages were mentioned above, physical exercise must be included in the national education system. Not only students, everyone also need to spend a little moment for daily exercise for maintaining both physical and mental states.
Despite the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that academic studies should
be lasted
, for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
day due to the desire of receiving high grades. From my perspective, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as a compulsory subject.

First
and foremost, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attend too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons in a long time point, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy to acquire knowledge
effectively
.
Hence
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could solve this problem by improving endurance and ability of concentration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientists have pronounced a report in recent years that a person
is advised
to take exercise at least thirty minutes per day in order to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and avoid reducing short-term memory. As the result, scientists recommend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should spend half of day for extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
beside stressful classes.
For example
, point schedule arranges that academic classes in the morning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in the afternoon and provide opportunities for pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
benefit in mental aspect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop brawny and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well built
.

Moreover
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
essential soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are useful for maturing progress. A great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
relates to improving confidence, creativity, capability of communication between teammates or leadership and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, in football,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to manage in team-work without conflicts and develop abilities of formulating strategy, overcoming obstacles. Taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in optimizing time more
efficiently
and focusing on targets,
moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends
easily
and
also
prompt to build a supportive environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with vital personal traits to deal with struggle in future life.

In conclusion
, to those advantages
were mentioned
above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in the national education system. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, everyone
also
need to spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
moment for daily exercise for maintaining both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental states.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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