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Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support y v.1

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support y v. 1
With the advancement of technologies such as smartphones and the Internet, people spend a lot of time on social media. Though some people believe in making friends only after a personal interaction, I strongly support the idea of making friends online since it is not only more convenient but also helps develop friendships with people from diverse backgrounds. Firstly, social sites are beneficial for many people to make new friends not only in one’s own country but also from abroad. This helps in knowing a foreign culture through conversation with friends. Similarly, it helps a person who has an introvert personality because he does not mix easily with other people when he meets them face to face. For instance, these sites provide chat rooms as well as video call or voice call to avoid face-to-face conversations. He can use only messenger or chat room for conversation with a new friend. Secondly, nowadays, by making new friends all over the world homemakers are establishing their business worldwide and it helps a lot in becoming financially strong. For example, these online websites provide business pages for spreading business everywhere, which can help not only the businessmen but also in the national economy In conclusion, making friends on social media is an excellent way to network and gain insights about various cultures and countries. It is a convenient way to resolve international and intercultural conflicts, and create a sustainable society. It is not harmful if we would use some features such as block the person when we feel a threat of some kind.
With the advancement of technologies such as smartphones and the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on social media. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
after a personal interaction, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
online since it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
more convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
develop friendships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse backgrounds.

Firstly
, social sites are beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from abroad. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in knowing a foreign culture through conversation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Similarly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
a person who has an introvert personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he does not mix
easily
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when he meets them face to face.
For instance
, these sites provide chat rooms
as well
as video call or voice call to avoid face-to-face conversations. He can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
messenger or chat room for conversation with a new friend.

Secondly
, nowadays, by making new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
all over the world homemakers are establishing their business worldwide and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
a lot in becoming
financially
strong.
For example
, these online websites provide business pages for spreading business everywhere, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the businessmen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the national
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
economy


In conclusion
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on social media is an excellent way to network and gain insights about various cultures and countries. It is a convenient way to resolve international and intercultural conflicts, and create a sustainable society. It is not harmful if we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
features such as block the person when we feel a threat of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support y v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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