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Some people say that physical education should be required part of every school day. Other believe the whole day on academic studies. Which view do you agree with use specific reasons and details to show your answer. v.1

Some people say that physical education should be required part of every school day. Other believe the whole day on academic studies. Which view do you agree with use specific reasons and details to show your answer. v. 1
There is no doubt that physical education is central to science. While some people believe that students have to take physical education during all weekdays, other people think that students should be concentrating on academic studies throughout the school day. From my viewpoint, I partially agree with this statement, and in this essay I will explain why I chose that. On the one hand, it is true that physical training should be included every day in program of school, which physical study has a vital role in academic’s journey’s students. Because that physicists study is application of mathematics which in turn represents a nightmare for every student. For example, many students hate mathematics, but when they see it that interpreting physics, they will understand very smoothly. In addition to understanding mathematics, students will appreciate both of physical and mathematical and they will address both with a high respect. On the other hand, some people believe that students should concentrate on academic studies. Which physical discipline might not represent all things, and if students took physical study every day, they may be boring and not pleased with learning physical learning. And as a result, students are not creative and clever. Another reason for considering academic teaching, is a variety of information that student gains, such as academic writing and reading, statistics analysis and human science. In conclusion, physical learning has an important role in understanding mathematics and it should give to students every day. However, physical education every day is not necessary, and it causes depression and boring for students, and for these views I partially agree with the above statement.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education is central to science. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education during all weekdays, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be concentrating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
throughout the school day. From my viewpoint, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I chose that.

On the one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training should
be included
every day in program of school, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic’s
journey’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
that physicists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is application of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
which in turn represents a nightmare for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
hate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it that interpreting physics, they will understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smoothly
.
In addition
to understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will appreciate both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mathematical and
they will address both with a high respect.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies.

Which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
discipline might not represent all things, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
every day, they may be boring and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
learning. And
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not creative and clever.

Another reason for considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
teaching, is a variety of information that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
gains, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
writing and reading, statistics analysis and human science.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
learning has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and it should give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
every day.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education every day is not necessary, and it causes depression and boring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and for these views I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that physical education should be required part of every school day. Other believe the whole day on academic studies. Which view do you agree with use specific reasons and details to show your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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