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5. Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to supp v.1

5. Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to supp v. 1
It is now some time since the whole universe was involved in one war. The world nowadays is no comparison to the past, when millions of soldiers were lost on the battlefield. As the world today is significantly safer than previously, it can be argued that governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their military forces. I agree that governments should not spend abundant money on the military. The last World War dates back nearly seventy years and, since 1945, no conflict have taken place in western countries. Thus, people have suggested that spending money on necessities within society instead of the armed forces is more useful. However, this is very difficult, as even though no significant conflict has taken place in western countries, they are still involved in the conflicts of other countries. For example, the US contribution in the Iraqi war has only recently ended. For such involvement of military forces in foreign lands, countries still need to have strong armed forces, in case they are needed. In some countries like the UK, the military is already significantly weaker than it has been in the past. However, historically, a hundred years is not that long and because no conflict happened recently, this does not mean that there will be no conflict in the future. At the outbreak of World War Two, the UK was seriously under-prepared, as it had been thought that the horrors of World War One had convinced everyone of the uselessness of war. In conclusion, certain armed forces are necessary for major countries at least to protect their people, even though the world is safer than a hundred years ago. They might need to intervene in conflicts in other countries and world peace is by no means assured for the future. Also, It is advisable to the authorities not to allocate abundant money to have armed forces.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time since the whole universe
was involved
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
nowadays is no comparison to the past, when millions of soldiers
were lost
on the battlefield. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
significantly
safer than previously, it can
be argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not spend abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the military.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
War
dates back
nearly
seventy years and, since 1945, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
have taken place in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have suggested that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on necessities within society
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
is more useful.
However
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult, as
even though
no significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
has taken place in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they are
still
involved in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, the US contribution in the Iraqi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recently ended. For such involvement of military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
in foreign lands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
need to have strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, in case they
are needed
.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the UK, the military is already
significantly
weaker than it has been in the past.
However
,
historically
, a hundred years is not that long and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
happened recently, this does not mean that there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
in the future. At the outbreak of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
War
Two, the UK was
seriously
under-prepared, as it had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the horrors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
War
One had convinced everyone of the uselessness of war.

In conclusion
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
are necessary for major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
at least to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is safer than a hundred years ago. They might need to intervene in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace is by no means assured for the future.
Also
, It is advisable to the authorities not to allocate abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 5. Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to supp v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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