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Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples. v.2

Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 2
Nowadays, the question of whether students should learn academic subjects, such as chemistry, physics and history, or practical ones such as motor mechanics and cooking has received a great deal of public attention. Although studying academic subjects is not without advantages, vocational courses will be far more considered. There are a number of reasons why students should be taught academic subjects at schools. First, since most graduates expect to apply for decent jobs in the future, having access to academic courses is necessary. In fact, most demanding jobs with handsome salary like educators or doctors, are required to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can only achieve if they have taken academic course such as Maths or Physics. Second, by learning these subjects, students would have a chance to pursue higher education. This means that they are aimed with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is beneficial for humans’ innovation and development later. Nevertheless, there are various benefits of vocational courses. Firstly, in order to make a living as soon as possible, studying practical subjects are necessary. In fact, vocational trainings provide learners a number of practical skills without spending four or five years in the university, which is time - saving and enable them to find a job to make ends meet. Secondly, solid practical experience is one of the most important things to promote one’s career path. For example, in order to be a restaurant manager, they are required to gain a number of years of experience, which is not consider to the bachelor’s degree. In conclusion, we can not deny that both sides are well-grounded. In my opinion, besides academic subjects, students should be taught practical ones which generate plenty of benefits for both students and nations.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as chemistry, physics and history, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
such as motor mechanics and cooking has received a great deal of public attention. Although studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not without advantages, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will be far more considered.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at schools.
First
, since most graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to apply for decent jobs in the future, having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is necessary. In fact, most demanding jobs with handsome salary like educators or doctors,
are required
to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve if they have taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
or Physics. Second, by learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would have a chance to pursue higher education. This means that they
are aimed
with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is beneficial for humans’ innovation and development later.

Nevertheless
, there are various benefits of vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Firstly
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary. In fact, vocational trainings provide learners a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
without spending four or five years in the university, which is time
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
saving and enable them to find a job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
Secondly
, solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
experience is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to promote one’s career path.
For example
, in order to be a restaurant manager, they
are required
to gain a number of years of experience, which is not
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
to the bachelor’s degree.

In conclusion
, we can not deny that both sides are well-grounded. In my opinion,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and nations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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