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128)Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to suppor v.1

128)Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to suppor v. 1
Towns with big and beautiful shopping centres attract a lot of people. Therefore, many municipal corporations spend a lot of money to construct many such centres instead of using the land for public parks and sports facilities. In this essay, I will discuss why l completely agree to the proposition of new towns having more parks and sports complexes for its citizens and less of shopping plazas. Easy and free access to parks and sport facilities encourage people to stay healthy and active. Moreover, they are used on a daily basis by the populace, whereas shopping centres are places people visit every once in a while and hence are not a necessity. A study by Harvard University has shown that population of towns with abundant playing fields and grounds is twenty percent more fit compared to the ones which lack such facilities. Thus, the government should develop more public parks and sports complexes. Furthermore, unlike the malls which only allow big brands to open stores; these community parks and sports facilities help generate more employment opportunities for the common people by supporting local business in and around them. For example, whenever I go for a run in the district park, I buy fresh juice from the food truck in the parking lot. I have also observed, that there are many other vendors such as vegetable and meat seller who put their kiosks in the same area. This reason further bolsters the fact that towns should invest more public parks and sports arenas than shopping centres. To conclude, this essay discussed that community parks and sporting arenas not only allow people to stay fit and active, but also, help them to earn their livelihood by promoting local businesses. While, shopping centres are used by people only once or twice a month and they support big brands. Therefore, in my opinion, new towns should be designed with more public parks and sporting arenas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Towns
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
municipal corporations spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to construct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
instead
of using the land for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. In this essay, I will discuss why l completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the proposition of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes for its citizens and less of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
plazas.

Easy and free access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay healthy and active.
Moreover
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on a daily basis by the populace, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit every once in a while and
hence
are not a necessity. A study by Harvard University has shown that population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
with abundant playing fields and grounds is twenty percent more fit compared to the ones which lack such facilities.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes.

Furthermore
, unlike the malls which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands to open stores; these community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
generate more employment opportunities for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by supporting local business in and around them.
For example
, whenever I go for a run in the district
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fresh juice from the food truck in the parking lot. I have
also
observed, that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other vendors such as vegetable and meat seller who put their kiosks in the same area. This reason
further
bolsters the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
arenas than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

To conclude
, this essay discussed that community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sporting arenas not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay fit and active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to earn their livelihood by promoting local businesses. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once or twice a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
they support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands.
Therefore
, in my opinion, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
should
be designed
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sporting arenas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 128)Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to suppor v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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