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Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.4

Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 4
In this day and age, the dominance of technological advances has revolutionized education in many aspects, leading to the fact that computer-based courses are widely replacing the traditional classes in many universities. Although the benefits of this trend are varied, in my opinion, its drawbacks are more significant and should not be ignored. On the one hand, offering online courses for university students can be advantageous to some extent. To be more specific, courses based on Internet platforms provide learners with more flexibility as they can get access to the lessons from anywhere according to their own schedule, as long as Wifi connection is available. In fact, students nowadays can make use of their time when waiting for a bus or sitting on a bus to access the course and acquire knowledge. Besides that, it is true that the cost of online courses are much cheaper than the traditional learning models. Instead of paying extra money for facilities on campus, which is quite expensive, students can pay smaller amount of fee for the online courses. On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that the disadvantages eclipse the advantages mentioned above. First of all, in order to achieve good academic results, intensive self-discipline is required. Learners seem to be easily distracted by surroundings such as surfing Facebook or listening to music, which have negative impacts on their concentration and efficiency. In addition, the lack of face-to-face interaction and peer support can demotivate online students. If learners do not understand the lessons, it will be difficult for them to ask teachers or friends and then be explained as clearly as in traditional classrooms. Consequently, they get confused and have no motivation to finish the course as they cannot catch up with the course and make progress. In conclusion, because of aforementioned reasons, it seems to me that the merits of online classes are surpassed by the demerits.
In this day and age, the dominance of technological advances has revolutionized education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, leading to the fact that computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
widely
replacing the traditional classes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities. Although the benefits of this trend
are varied
, in my opinion, its drawbacks are more significant and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

On the one hand, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be advantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
based on Internet platforms provide learners with more flexibility as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to the lessons from anywhere according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule, as long as
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
Wifi
connection is available. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their time when waiting for a bus or sitting on a bus to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and acquire knowledge.
Besides
that, it is true that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are much cheaper than the traditional learning models.
Instead
of paying extra money for facilities on campus, which is quite expensive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can pay smaller amount of fee for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses.

On the other hand
, I hold a firm belief that the disadvantages eclipse the advantages mentioned above.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic results, intensive self-discipline
is required
. Learners seem to be
easily
distracted by surroundings such as surfing Facebook or listening to music, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their concentration and efficiency.
In addition
, the lack of face-to-face interaction and peer support can demotivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. If learners do not understand the lessons, it will be difficult for them to ask teachers or friends and then be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
as
clearly
as in traditional classrooms.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused and have no motivation to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
as they cannot catch up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of aforementioned reasons, it seems to me that the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes
are surpassed
by the demerits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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